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War of the Commercials – Nostalgia Critic

War of the Commercials – Nostalgia Critic

Just go! After these messages… After these messages… After these messages… After these messages… We’ll be right back! Yeah, this one launches the nostalgic feels. It’s the first commercial for Super Smash Bros. on Nintendo 64. Now it’s a commonplace idea to see your favorite lovable characters beat the shit out of each other, but back then, seeing these cuddly cuteballs skip was pretty shocking when it was followed by this. Good Lord! Suddenly, it’s Joaquin Phoenix from Gladiator looking over an enchanted bloodbath! Narrator: Something’s gone wrong in the happy-go-lucky world of Nintendo. NC: What I like is before you realize it’s all going this direction, it just looks like Mario snapped at Yoshi. What the hell did he do? Did he have a flashback to when he was a baby and Yoshi failed to protect him? (as Mario): Never forgive, asshole! (as DK): You’re a dickhead, Mario! (as Mario): You’re-a the dickhead! [Verbally (as well as physically) abusing each other] 10 points to whoever threw Pikachu twice, by the way. (as Pikachu): Pika, NOOOOOO! Why were they even skipping if they were just gonna fight? Is it like A Clockwork Orange where Mario knew he was gonna jack them up? (as Mario): I was calm on the outside but thinking all of the time. So now it was Yoshi the general saying what to do and what not to do. Well, I viddied what to do. Couldn’t you just get revenge by dropping off another cliff? We know the Yoshi species are like socks to you. Ultra violent as hell, but pretty funny, too, this commercial hits hard in the laughs. Narrator: Only on Nintendo 64. Alex: I was cured, alright. Boy 1: ​Where’s the ring? Girl 1: Here’s the ring. Ring Pop! NC: Hey, kids, wanna eat your bling? Seek help, and then seek a Ring Pop. Boy 2: Will you wear my ring? Girl 2: Ring Pop! Singers: ♪ It’s a lollipop without a stick. ♪ ♪ A ring of flavor you can lick! ♪ NC: It’s a catchy jingle and a typical setup, but it is one of those few commercials that have me constantly asking the question: What happened after? I know, I know, these are just playful scenarios to set up jokes, but what if they didn’t cut away? How would the rest of these scenes play out? Boy 2: Will you wear my ring? Girl 2: Ring Pop! NC: (as Girl 2): [Laughs] Seriously, where’s the ring, though? (as Boy 2): Well, I, uh…uh… (as Girl 2): You kept a box behind your back saying “Will you wear my ring?” You do not screw with a girl when it comes to this! (as Boy 2): W-well, I got some Tootsie Rolls, if you’re interested in any of those. (as Girl 2): Oh, look, I can turn it around and wear on the inside. (as Boy 2): What does it have to do with- OW! Boy 1: ​Where’s the ring? Girl 1: Here’s the ring! Ring pop! NC: Ok, what the hell? You told me there was a ring, I thought I was fighting the school bully. I was pissing myself with fear when it was all just a pun for edible jewelery? Girl 1: Ring Pop! NC: Yeah, here’s your pop. ♪ Wear a ring around your finger ♪ ♪ Ring Pop! ♪ Girl 3: I love the way your ring looks! Girl 4: I love the way my ring tastes! Girl 3: Ring Pop! Man 1: Can I get some milk, please? Man 2: She got the last one. NC: Believe it or not, there was a time when the funniest commercials you could watch were milk commercials. Yeah, in the early 90s milk sales were down, so the California Milk Processor Board hired renowned advertising agency, Goodby Silverstein & Partners to make milk… well, kinda cool! But how do you do that? But how do you do that? It’s milk! I mean, this was their advertising campaign before: NC: Clearly, it didn’t have that big an effect! But with the catchphrase of only 2 words, “Got milk?”, suddenly, milk was hilarious. Batcave Announcer: Attention, attention! Family thinks high toy price is a joke! NC: Oh, no! Kermit: Crumpets? Goddamn crumpets?! Are you shitting me?! We’re the friggin’ Muppets, not Teletubbies! Larry: I think if you considered- Kermit: No!
Larry: I think if you considered- NO! My grandfather was an old, Jewish sock and he came to this country to uphold our The Frog name! You don’t get me better deals, you’re letting a generation of FABRIC DOWN! Larry: Look, if you just think about it- Kermit: Oh, I see. You want me to think about it. Well, think about this, Larry. My banjo Rainbow-connecting to what’s left of your BALLS! NO CRUMPETS! Nancy? Nancy: Yes, Mr. F? Kermit: Could you run down to Bimmy’s and give me another six-pack of Hopping Frog Beer? Nancy: Don’t you think you’ve had enough, Mr. F? Kermit: I’ll tell you when I’ve HAD ENOUGH! Nancy: Oh! You washed-up BASTARD! Kermit: [Sigh] When did the rainbow fade? NC: Wow. I got really depressing on that one, didn’t I? Well… Here’s hopefully a more chipper commercial to make you feel better. You were still thinking about Kermit, weren’t you? So was I. NC: OK, c’mon, c’mon, maybe I won’t think of the PSA. Pound Puppies. Pound. Give us a pound, or we’ll pull the trigger. I’m sorry, you’re cute, but I need time! Girl 1: Mickey, come over for a party. NC: Kid, you are way too young to be into Mickey Mouse watching you potty. Also, you sound relatively disinterested in it. Girl 1: Mickey, come over for a party. NC: To be fair, it’s better than this obviously confused kid. Girl 2: Sorry, wrong number. NC: Who says that to a character phone? That’s like playing Mario Bros. and saying… “This has nothing to do with plumbing.” ♪ I can have a talk with Mickey Mouse, from anywhere inside my house ♪ Bambi: Hello, this is Bambi. My mother and I are- AAAAA- Frollo: Hello, this is Judge Frollo. My sexual lust for gypsy girls half my age burns like Hell’s fire- Cast of Song of the South: Hello, we’re the cast from Song of the South. Crows: Hello, we the crows from Dumbo! NC: You know what you’re doing. I know what that wink means. You know what you’re doing. NC: Nope, nope, I am not saying a thing! I am not saying a thing! You hear me? Not a goddamn word! But you think way too highly of me if you think I’m not gonna re-edit this in a humorous way! Voice: HEEEEEY! YOU LOOK LIKE REAL JERKS! SO WHATCHA DOIN’? Rob: Oh, well, we’re going to a family reunion- Voice: SHUT UP! YOU’RE FIGHTING DINOSAURS NOW! Doug: AAAH! AAAH! AAAAA- Voice: HEY JERK, WHATCHA DOIN’? Malcolm: I got sweet potato yams made from potat- Voice: SHUT UP! YOU’RE GOING UP AGAINST… KILLER SKELETONS! Malcolm: AAAH! Voice: HEY JERK, WHATCHA DOIN’? Jim: Well, I’ve got some- Voice: SHUT UP, YOU’RE… IN A VOLCANO! Jim: AAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAH! Voice: HEY JERK! Barney: Um- Voice: SHUT UP! SPACE! Voice: HEY JERK! WHATCHA DOIN’?! Tamara: Oh! I just made pie. Voice: ACTUALLY THAT SOUNDS REALLY NICE. Tamara: It’s apple pie. Voice: THAT’S MY FAVOURITE. Tamara: Would you like a slice? Voice: PLEASE. Voice: THAT’S DELICIOUS. Tamara: Oh! Thank you. You know, the secret ingredient is- Voice: NOT TO BREAK DOWN THE MOOD BUT I THINK I KILLED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. Tamara: …what? Voice: YEAH… …I GAVE ONE TO A T-REX… …A SKELETON KILLED ANOTHER… …ONE OF THEM MELTED… …ANOTHER IS IN SPACE… …I KILLED YOUR DOG… …PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING YOU CHERISH IS GONE. Tamara: …well, I- Voice: I’M SORRY! I GET CARRIED AWAY SOMETIMES. Tamara: *spluttering, on the verge of crying* I-I don’t- Voice: BUT HEY, HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED ATARI’S POLE POSTITION? Tamara: *still on the verge of crying* No! Voice: IT’S A LOT OF FUN! YOU SHOULD TRY IT. Tamara: O-okay… Voice: *voice cracking* OK… WELL, I’M GONNA GO AWAY AND BE A VOICE, YOU HAVE REALLY NICE PIE. SORRY I KILLED YOUR FAMILY. Tamara: *sobbing* Okay… *sobs* I’ll check out Atari’s P-Pole Position… Voice: IT’S REALLY GOOD! Wow. Again, I went really dark on that one. Really dark. I am The Nostalgia Critic and… I don’t know why I look forward to this every year. I think I’m sick. REALLY SICK. yeah… Goddamn crumpets? Are you shitting me?! We’re the friggin’ Muppets, not Teletubbies! (Kermit’s head then hits the empty bottle of beer, it rolls and falls on the floor) No! No! My grandpa- (hits on the phone rapidly) Noooo! (Everyone in the room laughs) (Ball Buster Announcer) Try to bust your opponent’s balls.

100 thoughts on “War of the Commercials – Nostalgia Critic

  1. Britain is new Canada!! What did everyone think of the new commercial episode?
    Watch all the past commercial episodes here – https://youtu.be/3wJt3ayD1Rc

  2. Hot Wheels cars were $1.77!? It's 2019 and I can can go to Walmart right now and get one for $0.94!!

  3. 4:48 I just can’t stop watching that part. It’s oddly disturbing to see that rabbit laugh insanely only to be disappointed, but he doesn’t just roll his eyes and go “ugh” and he doesn’t just shrug it off or shake his head sadly . . . He has a face of horror like his mom just fucking died. This is amazing!

  4. When the segment for Got Milk came up, I went right to my fridge and poured a glass of milk, and I loved every drop of it too. Advertising works.

  5. I remember the oozinator ads. I seriously didn't see anything sexual about it at that age. And I was in high school.

  6. 16:06 Why would anyone make this commercial and I think the person who made this commercial was a terrorist

  7. 18:28 – It's like when you're playing Super Mario Bros. on the NES for the first time, given the origin that Mario is a plumber and be like–see sketch above

  8. i loved those rings as a kid after you ate it had a semi sharp pointy plastic sticking out of it sooo when you had 4 on your arm at each finger it was looking a lot like katars or some other fist bloody weapon in each hand good thing i only hit leafs or paper but still good times and no other kid dared to bully me or something ^_^ you know for kids 🙂

  9. Britain: Were Making Happy Ads About Crumpets!

    4 Minutes Later

    Britain : Were Killing Dogs
    Britain Make Up Your Mind

  10. Here's another chipper commercial to make U feel better

    The ad for the fast and furious spin off plays

  11. My personal favorite Got Milk commercial is the one were Mario climbs out of the TV screen and raids the fridge.

  12. The ending is so good even though position or whatever the hell that game for the Atari 2600 that that commercial kicks ass and I still live in the soldier critics interest Tatian of the pump gas near raider calling everyone a jerk

  13. The only thing sexier than big titted blonde Tamara in this video is of cource … Miss Piggy. ^__^

  14. I wanna make sure Michael Bay never works in the movie industry again. At least he can't fuck up Dr. Seuss stories, since his wife Audrey forbid anymore live action movies of Dr. Seuss works. I'd say stick to the Chuck Jones movies

  15. I agree that the bucket of rainbows thing is crazy. I mean, kids are often innocnet, but they're usually not idiots!

  16. the Muppet that ate the other was big mean carl a recuring character from muppets tonight who's intention was to always eat another performer on the show (there was also another before that called gorgon heap who in turn was developed from a Muppet called Big V who ate Kermit in a 1960's sketch and was replaced later by big mean carl) so it's not really that shocking as there have been multiple canabal style Muppets.

  17. The moment he said here’s a more chipper commercial I got an ad saying If I Vape I’ll smoke cigarettes.

  18. Dude, watched your first commercial video (over three glorious hours) and then this one – you are hilarious! Sub earned!

  19. dear beautiful soul reading this, ur amazing and so strong and brave and ur gonna go so far!! Jesus loves u! keep it up!! 🙏🏻💗

  20. 8:13 fun fact: Zellers was bought out by target, That's when target Canada happened, that failed horribly, so we lost target AND Zellers.

    Thanks Target!

  21. With that Michel Bay commercial I was just thinking “spit the goddamn sandwich out! Make words!”… He would of had plenty of congratulatory sandwich left after he won.

  22. 23:21 I like how they are trying to imply that the strategy part of the game is only fun for adults and the kids are too stupid for it but that they will have fun flinging the balls around

  23. Funny thing is in Britain rspca doesn’t do much if you call them about an animal in danger they just say they can’t do anything and hang up

  24. So many great Got Milk? commercials but my favorite was when you thought it was a commercial for Trix but turned out it was Got Milk? Poor rabbit.

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