What’s up gamers, I’m Jarvis and according to my YouTube analytics only 45% of you will make it to level 20 Level 20 by the way, is what I call the end of this video So you wouldn’t want to prove me wrong. Today I wanted to talk about something that won’t seem to go away Very bad ads for very bad mobile games. We’ve all been there you come home after a long day at work/school Another day working for the man/principal [In head] You think to yourself I know what I’ll do relax, I’ll log on to my intelligent telephone and open up my favorite FOMO based social networking application Ahhh, now I feel much worse, [slight laugh] That’s just like my life Oh my god, that’s so embarrassing [Ad talking] Your majesty, how do you want me to serve you What is this? [Ad talking again] It’s a mobile game to take your mind off a long day at work Why don’t you think it was okay to show this to me [Ad] well You are an 18 to 35 year old single male in California who watches Game of Thrones, and you’re a weakling Hey A weakling who has a very busy schedule who would love a home-cooked meal from time to time. Wow You really got me figured out! One of the first weird ads that I wanted to talk about is one, uhh that I’ve gotten a bunch personally it’s for a word game, which sounds normal but get this it’s set in prison. And uhh, you can break out of prison With words. Prison Break game a creative work game with prison story. Okay This guy’s in prison, and he’s getting a visit from a loved one So first of all Their art style looks exactly like cyanide and Happiness the webcomic so that suspect they couldn’t even plagiarize stick figures convincingly [Laughter] And she immediately puts them in a sack I’m assuming with the intention of just walking out of the prison With a giant human size sack as if the security guards aren’t gonna notice. Goodbye everyone I’ve had great fun here at prison, but it’s time for me to leave. All right Now you have a good evening ma’am need help with anything. Oh, don’t worry officer. It’s just me and my inconspicuous sack [More laughter] Oh so, the sack immediately breaks and and I guess like a word box pops up and you have to spell The word that’s gonna help you get out of the situation. And then a giant suitcase falls from the sky as if that’s any less suspicious All they had to do to escape prison was spell “Bone” you have these four letters, and a dog is clawing at your suitcase and you spell “Bneo”, there’s not even another word that you could spell with these letters. Now that you’re all warmed up Let’s talk about interactive story games. I’m talking about Choices, I’m talking about Episode, I’m talking about Chapter, they uh, all their names sound the same to me. And if they look at all similar to you That’s because they’re all Competitors in this very strange genre. These by far have some of the most absurd ads I’ve ever see, from what I understand people can submit stories where you the player make important choices Like this one “OMG, I forgot my GF was coming!” and your choices are “hide under the bed” Or “maybe she can join us.” Maybe she can join us? That’ll go over. Great. Yeah. Hey, umm Who the fuck is that? Oh, this? the person I’m straddling. It’s just a Random stranger, that I brought home for us In case you haven’t picked this up already. These stories are exclusively about sex and cheating and Pregnancy, and that’s the real tea sis. What the hell is going on? Is this is this flirting? is this how you flirt? not to brag But I know what the egg play on the water droplets emoji mean, But why is there a cat, and a chick being hatched? and what’s with this last one time? Time, Hotel, Bikini. Oh, no, I don’t like that Uh-oh, her boy toy has caught her texting, I think. Because she was thirst texting her ex while she was in bed with another guy? I mean, I assume that was thirst texting the first text after all was “sex” but maybe they’re just raising chickens and, farming eggplants to fund their hotel business Yeah, that’s it. Chapters experience your fantasy your way. Whose fantasy is being caught cheating? Okay, so this ad is for a game called Episode, and I don’t want to spend too much time Today on their ads. But I feel like I could make like a whole video on this game alone So let me know if that’s something you’d want to see. For now it seems that we have an attractive guy and an attractive girl hanging out alone at a pool He is so HOT. Is this a date? are they already dating? Their relationship is confusing to me Do I “kiss him” or “pull him into the water?” Wow, what an attractive man, should I? Should I make a romantic advance? or try to drown him. So she pulls him into the water, you know like you do and he immediately starts drowning. Hey guy, uhh maybe don’t agree to pool dates, if you’re gonna start drowning in waist-deep water. How short is this hot man? Maybe it’s some kind of flirty prank. So now your options are “Oops!” or “Save him” What kind of option is “oops?” Do you just let him die? oops! time to get rid of the body! You don’t think he’s breathing? How long was he down there? Our options here are to “give him CPR,” or “call a doctor.” I mean, if you know CPR probably give that a shot. Oh okay, so he is faking it, that makes more sense but uhh I mean wait does it? Should we keep giving him CPR or should we kiss him to find out? She doesn’t know that he’s faking it, so I’m gonna have to go if “give him CPR.” What if he’s not faking it then you’re just kissing a man as he dies. By the way, the level of drama in these stories is unprecedented So this guy apparently has a pregnant wife and a pregnant girlfriend that don’t know about each other. Until one fateful day where the wife is picking up a takeout order and catches her husband on a date? If the wife is picking up a takeout order for the husband, she’s got to be at least close to where they live, right? So why is he taking his secret pregnant girlfriend on dates near his house? Understand the level of confidence is staggering. Frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken him this long to get caught. Uhh I mean judging by his wife and girlfriend It’s been nearly nine months. And what are these options “ask about the baby?” Oh my god You’re pregnant too, what are the odds? And then what? They forge an unlikely friendship? And the guys just like, huh! dodged a bullet on that one and then they star in a reality show? One guy two pregnancies and no consequences. Find out what happens when a bad man wins, for no reason whatsoever. 21st Century Fox presents The polyamory guy. [Theme Song Tone] it’s the polyamory guy. I love that show. Jesus why is this so dramatic? It’s like a horror movie. Also this camerawork is insane. You’re married and you’re having his baby I love how he says that is if she’s not aware that she’s pregnant. It kind of reminds me of how like soap operas have to put a ton of exposition into every sentence. We can’t keep doing this Jessica. You already have a subscription to the rival newspaper the Newberry Times Founded in 1923 by Stannis Vick news of 14 morning kills Road And you’re pregnant with my baby. I Know in this particular instance. She is cheating on her husband with the doctor But, a little possessive don’t you think? “get away from my wife?” He’s a doctor. What do you expect? Ma’am your total comes out to $6.99. Get away from my wife! Sir this is a Wendy’s Maybe this is a nitpick but something bothers me about the phrase “The baby was never yours” Because it implies that at any point after conception the baby could have been his. Like three months in, the baby is totally yours after that, your guess is as good as mine. Finally. I want to talk about some mobile game ads that make me feel bad about myself. [Sawing Wood Sound] “Real men, don’t get wet?” First of all, I don’t really see any water. Are they talking about the ocean? Also, what’s wrong with getting wet? The hot guy from the pool got wet, and he’s Well, he nearly died, but he might have kissed a girl. So, your move video game What’s that sound? Is that someone’s sawing wood? [Wood Sawing Sound] Also, this is a French map of the United States. The States have French names like, Louisiana, Nouveau-Mexique Utah. “I never knew anxiety until I played this.” Anxiety isn’t a good thing. This one I recognized from Danny Gonzalez’s recent video about mobile game ads, but the captions are being applied to a different game. So I assume they’re just trying random phrases on random games despite the fact that it doesn’t make any sense. “How many neurons can you break?” Uh? I I’d prefer zero. Can you even do that? Alright Jarvis, I’m sorry to say. It looks like you have several broken neurons. Oh geez. Um, That sounds serious. Get away from my wife! Jesus f*ck! Sorry wrong room. “This game will ruin your life.” Those other games give you anxiety, That’s, that’s nothing. This game, will frame you for murder. So play it today. I wanted to find out just who was behind these upsetting ads and their stupid captions and I’m here to tell you today That it was very easy. Uh cause the names just right here at the top. Voodoo apparently, you’re probably aware of Voodoo even if you don’t know their work, they are a French app developer, which, explains the French map of the US. And as far as I can tell they’re both the game developers and the ones behind these weird text captions like “legally skilled.” They’re one of the biggest game publishers on iOS and Android, despite the fact that most of the games look like garbage. That might be mean to say, if it weren’t for the fact that they’re a giant company that is constantly accused of copying other peoples games. To me, they’re the five minutes crafts of mobile games. Last year they got a two hundred million dollar investment from goldman sachs, who are just two guys with sacks of gold I presume. “From two to 31 inches caliber” What the hell does that mean? Caliber is like one one-hundredth of an inch, so saying inches caliber doesn’t make any sense. This may as well say “From 2 to 31 miles feet.” “Only left-brain people can reach the pink color.” I I think I truly have gone insane. What is the pink color? And and what does it mean in this context? And I had to mute the song for copyright because it was just the theme song to the anime Attack on Titan. And why is this dollar bill on the top of the screen? I’ve lost the ability to make sense of these anymore I’m a broken man. The thing about these ads though Is that like who knows? What other weird ads are out there because we only know about them if like we get them or if somebody shares them. Like what if you could see every ad that this insane company was running, that would be that’d be crazy, right? Well you can. So I was on Facebook trying to convince their algorithm to serve me more sh*tty ads, and I stumbled upon the Facebook ad library. They launched it like two months ago to add more transparency in Advertising I guess, and it allows you to search across all the active ads that are running on Instagram and Facebook. So I plugged Voodoo into this… And holy shit, do they run a lot of ads. I scrolled for like 10 minutes and I barely made it to last week. Judging from the fact that they have over 8,000 ad campaigns running in the US alone They must be spending hundreds of thousands of dollars a month on ads. And when you look at it that way These goofy game ads get kind of dystopian. “I think my brain just broke,” “named after my ex,” “if you score 20 you’re legally skilled,” “if you score 20 you’re legally allowed to leave.” You’re gonna see their experiments running a bunch of ads about pink castle and then a summary about Sunday’s Game of Thrones episode. Here I guess they’re trying to figure out which color square We respond best to. It kind of confirms my theory that they’re just like trying random pieces of text it on on Random gameplay videos and seeing what works. The shotgun approach I guess. After looking at hundreds of ads I started to notice weird trends. There’s this very weird obsession with reaching Japan “If you reach Japan, you’re legally skilled,” “You can’t reach Japan.” Like what on earth does reaching Japan mean in this context? Spoiler alert: Nothing Because here’s another version of the exact same ad with a different nonsensical phrase. “Only left-brain People can reach pink color.” Which we saw before in the weird dollar bill ad but it turns out it’s everywhere. I have no idea how they even stumbled upon the phrase “pink color,” but it must be working. So one other thing about this tool is that it lets you see ads that have been discontinued and when I looked at the ads that Voodoo has deleted, I… Discovered what is probably the worst mobile game AD of all time. “Unlock all the weapons by nuking planets.” And it’s a game Where you just like? Uhh… drop bombs on earth it seems. uhh… and they just put Kim Jong Un in the ad they just put they just put Kim Jong Un in the ad. So make of that what you will. I personally will be unplugging the internet and living out the rest of my days in a shoe. To wrap this up advertising and ad targeting can get pretty scummy sometimes, for example in the US at least a mobile game could be tracking your data or Your ISP could sell your browsing history to advertisers cuz, that’s apparently legal. There are a number of ways to protect your privacy online, but one of the most important ways is a VPN That was a smooth segue into an ad. Today’s video is sponsored by ExpressVPN. You know when I took, Oh, sorry My computer science degree was in the way. When I took computer networking classes in college, I learned firsthand that You shouldn’t use free unsecured Wi-Fi unless you trust the source. Like is that free coffee shop Wi-Fi or is it just some guy named Chris? Who really wants my data. You can think of a VPN is like a secure tunnel between your device and your favorite website that prevents others from seeing that traffic. VPNs can also be used to change your location. For example, I can just launch this bad boy boom And now I’m in Los Angeles. So take that internet service provider. I’m 400 miles away. You can get ExpressVPN for less than seven dollars a month with a 30-day money-back guarantee. And if you sign up for a year subscription You can get three whole months of ExpressVPN for free just by clicking the link in the description, or going to ExpressVPN.com/Jarvis in your browser. Thanks again to ExpressVPN for sponsoring. It’s a product that I actually use and that’s neat. Also, congrats everybody you made it to level 20. *Outro Music Starts* Thanks to Rahul Calleger for sending a message on Twitter. I have no idea if I’m staying that right. If you want me to butcher your name, do uhh the stuff please… and I’ll shout you out.