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Joe Biden’s New Obama-Heavy Ad

Joe Biden’s New Obama-Heavy Ad


WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO “THE
LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN
COLBERT. FOLKS–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THROW OUT
YOUR CALENDARS BECAUSE FROM NOW ON, IT’S 2020, BABY! IT IS ON. YESTERDAY, A NEW CANDIDATE
JOINED THE RACE, AND THIS TIME, WE HAVE HEARD HIS NAME BEFORE. I’M TALKING ABOUT FORMER VICE
PRESIDENT AND MAN SAYING, “UH LADIES, MY TEETH ARE UP HERE,”
JOE BIDEN.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, NOW– PEOPLE LIKE THE JOKE. BIDEN HAS A FULL HEAD OF STEAM
RIGHT AWAY. HE WAS ALREADY THE FRONTRUNNER
BEFORE HE DECLARED, AND IN A POLL TAKEN AFTER HIS FORMAL
ANNOUNCEMENT LAST WEEK, 39% OF DEMOCRATS SAY BIDEN’S THEIR TOP
CHOICE FOR THE NOMINATION, WHICH PUTS HIM MORE THAN 20% AHEAD OF
HIS NEAREST COMPETITOR, BERNIE SANDERS. SO IT LOOKS LIKE DEMOCRATS
AREN’T FEELING THE BERN SO MUCH AS THEY’RE JONESING FOR JOE. OR VIBING THE… BIDE? OR WEEPIN’ FOR THE FORMER
OR WEEPIN’ FOR THE FORMER VEEPIN. AND TODAY, BIDEN WAS ON “GOOD
MORNING AMERICA” TO SHOW WHAT HE OFFERS AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO
TRUMP.>>THE PRESIDENT HAS A MOTTO,
“MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.” DO YOU HAVE ONE?>>MAKE AMERICA MORAL AGAIN. MAKE AMERICA RETURN TO THE
ESSENCE OF WHO WE ARE, THE DIGNITY OF THE COUNTRY, THE
DIGNITY OF PEOPLE, AND TREATING OUR PEOPLE WITH
DIGNITY.>>Stephen: MOVE OVER, MAGA
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MAGA’S OVER. BIDEN’S COMING AT YOU WITH
“MAMA-MART-TEO-WWAT-DOTCT-DOP-AT -OPWD.”( LAUGHTER )
A LITTLE AWKWARD TO SAY, I’LL ADMIT, BUT IT’S GONNA LOOK
FANTASTIC ON HIS HAT.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH?>>Jon: SOMETHING FERRELL
WOULD WEAR.>>Stephen: THAT MIGHT BE
SOMETHING FERRELL MIGHT WEAR. TRUMP WASTED NO TIME TAKING
TWEET-SHOTS AT BIDEN. YESTERDAY, AFTER BIDEN DELIVERED
HIS ANNOUNCEMENT IN PITTSBURGH, TRUMP TWEETED, “SLEEPY JOE BIDEN
IS HAVING HIS FIRST RALLY IN THE GREAT STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA. HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T KNOW THAT
PENNSYLVANIA IS HAVING ONE OF THE BEST ECONOMIC YEARS IN ITS
HISTORY, WITH THE LOWEST UNEMPLOYMENT EVER, AND A
NOW-THRIVING STEEL INDUSTRY– THAT WAS DEAD–
AND GREAT FUTURE! DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT,
DOT, DOT. THE DUES-SUCKING FIREFIGHTERS
LEADERSHIP–” WAIT, WHAT? WHAT? WHEN DID JOE BIDEN BECOME A
FIREMAN? THOSE WERE BACK-TO-BACK. I CAN’T FOLLOW THIS TWEET CHAIN. IT WAS ALREADY HEADED TO CRAZY
TOWN, TOOK A SHARP LEFT AT INSANE JUNCTION, AND PLUNGED
INTO WHAT-ARE-YOU-TALKING-ABOUT GORGE. BUT AFTER GOING AFTER BIDEN MAY,
IT MAY NOT BE A SMART MOVE FOR TRUMP. IN FACT, IT’S “EXACTLY THE
BEHAVIOR SEVERAL OF THE PRESIDENT’S POLITICAL ADVISERS
HAVE BEEN WARNING HIM AGAINST.” BUT TRUMP HAS NO IMPULSE
CONTROL, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE’S TOLD HE CAN’T DO SOMETHING. THAT’S WHY HE ALWAYS FAILS THE
MARSHMALLOW TEST, OKAY.(AS TRUMP)
“LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: I CAN EAT ONE MARSHMALLOW NOW, OR IF I
WAIT, I GET TWO. OKAY, HERE’S MY CHOICE: I
ALREADY FOUND THE WHOLE BAG IN YOUR DESK, AND I’M ALL FULL. YOU LOSE!”
TRUMP’S ADVISERS–( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HE CHEATS IS WHAT I’M SAYING. HE CHEATS. TRUMP’S ADVISORS ARE WARNING HIM
NOT TO SINGLE OUT ANY TOP DEMOCRATIC CONTENDERS BECAUSE
THAT COULD GIVE THEM MORE OXYGEN TO RISE ABOVE THE CROWDED PACK. AND LET’S BE HONEST, AT THEIR
AGES, BOTH TRUMP AND BIDEN NEED ALL THE OXYGEN THEY CAN GET.( LAUGHTER )
DESPITE– STILL VITAL, THOUGH. DESPITE GETTING A LATE START IN
THE CAMPAIGN SEASON, BIDEN ISN’T AND I WAS SURPRISED ABOUT THIS–
HE’S NOT CALLING IN ANY FAVORS. IN FACT, A FEW DAYS AGO, HE TOLD
REPORTERS THAT “HE ASKED BARACK OBAMA NOT TO ENDORSE HIM.” YES, HE DOES NOT WANT OBAMA
ANYWHERE NEAR HIS CAMPAIGN, SO JOE MUST BE FURIOUS THAT SOMEHOW
OBAMA SNUCK INTO ALL OF BIDEN’S LATE AD.>>THIS IS AN EXTRAORDINARY MAN
WITH AN EXTRAORDINARY CAREER IN PUBLIC SERVICE. SOMEBODY WHO HAS DEVOTED HIS
ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL LIFE TO SERVICE TO THIS COUNTRY. HE REVITALIZED AMERICAN
MANUFACTURING AS THE HEAD OF OUR MIDDLE-CLASS TASK FORCE. HE SUITED UP FOR OUR CANCER
MOONSHOT, GIVING HOPE TO MILLIONS OF AMERICANS. HE CHAMPIONED LANDMARK
LEGISLATION TO PROTECT WOMEN FROM VIOLENCE. THAT’S JOE BIDEN: RESILIENT,
LOYAL, AND A PATRIOT.>>Stephen: JOE BIDEN COULD NOT
GET ANY CLOSER TO BARACK OBAMA IF HE WERE A PAIR OF DAD JEANS.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
BUT FOR NOW– MOM JEANS. IT’S MOM JEANS. MOM JEANS. BUT FOR NOW, TRUMP’S STILL
PRESIDENT. AND TODAY, HE MET AT THE WHITE
HOUSE WITH CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS, INCLUDING PARTY
LEADERS AND THE LEAST-POPULAR EXHIBIT AT MADAME TUSSAUD’S
( LAUGHTER )
CHUCK– CHUCK SCHUMER AND NANCY
PELOSI. NOW, YOU MAY RECALL THAT THE
LAST TIME THESE TWO GOT TOGETHER WITH TRUMP, THINGS DID NOT GO
WELL FOR TRUMP. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN
INFORMAL MEETING, BUT DONALD TRUMP INVITED THE CAMERAS IN
THERE HOPING TO SCHOOL CHUCK AND NANCY ON THE GOVERNMENT
SHUTDOWN. BUT HE SAID THIS ON CAMERA:
>>I AM PROUD TO SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT FOR BORDER SECURITY,
CHUCK, BECAUSE THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY DON’T WANT
CRIMINALS AND PEOPLE THAT HAVE LOTS OF PROBLEMS AND DRUGS
POURING INTO OUR COUNTRY. SO, I WILL TAKE THE MANTLE. I WILL BE THE ONE TO SHUT IT
DOWN. I’M NOT GOING TO BLAME YOU
FOR IT. THE LAST TIME YOU SHUT IT
DOWN, IT DIDN’T WORK. I WILL TAKE THE MANTLE OF
SHUTTING DOWN.>>GOOD.>>Stephen: I WOULD SAY HE PUT
HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH, BUT THE FOOT WOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM FROM
TALKING.(AS TRUMP)
“NO, FOOT, LET ME TALK. I’M THE ONE TO BLAME FOR THE
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN. NOW, FOOT, STAY STILL. I NEED TO SHOOT YOU. THAT WILL TEACH ME.”( APPLAUSE )
THE SUBJECT OF THE MEETING TODAY WAS A BIG INFRASTRUCTURE BILL,
WHICH IS WHY WE’RE CALLING THIS SHOWDOWN:
WELL– WE–( LAUGHTER )
I THINK THAT INTRODUCTION MIGHT BE LONGER THAN ANY OF THE JOKES
WE HAVE COMING UP AFTER. WELL, NO CAMERAS WERE INVITED
IN TO THE MEETING, AND, APPARENTLY, THEY WERE ACTUALLY
CIVIL TOWARD EACH OTHER. AND THEY AGREED TO SPEND A MUCH-
NEEDED $2 TRILLION TO REPAIR OUR ROADS AND BRIDGES. BUT THE QUESTION IS, WHERE IS
THAT MONEY GOING TO COME FROM?>>WE AGREED WE WOULD MEET AGAIN
TO TALK ABOUT HOW IT WOULD BE PAID FOR.>>WE SAID WE WOULD MEET IN
THREE WEEKS, AND HE WOULD PRESENT TO US SOME OF HIS IDEAS
ON FUNDING.>>Stephen: FUNDING, OKAY,
HERE ARE MY IDEAS. PLAN “A,” DOES AMERICA HAVE A
RICH DAD? NO? THEN PLAN “B,” I SAY WE BURN THE
COUNTRY DOWN TO THE GROUND FOR INSURANCE MONEY. I KNOW A GUY IN WEEHAWKEN NAMED
SPARKY. NEVER TALKS.” THINGS WERE SO COLLEGIAL AT THIS
MEETING, THAT, APPARENTLY, “TRUMP SHARED SOME
WHITE TIC TACS WITH SPEAKER PELOSI DURING THE MEETING, WHICH
SHE ATE.” TIC TACS? TIC TACS? BUT THAT’S WHAT HE PULLS OUT
BEFORE HE GRABS– NANCY, GET OUT OF THERE! YOU TOO, CHUCK. JUST TO BE SAFE! RUN!

100 thoughts on “Joe Biden’s New Obama-Heavy Ad

  1. Trump: uses racism to further his career, supported wars in the Middle East, supports Credit Card companies, supported the Patriot Act, supported anti-Union policies, supported the Crime Bill, supported the Drug War, pushed Tough on Crime policies, doesn't support Medicare For All, doesn't support Medical Marijuana, takes millions from special interest groups and brags about it, deported thousands, doesn't support Net Neutrality, lies about his record, refuses to apologise to women he inappropriately touched, is very crass.

    Biden: all of the above, except he is very polite.

    Is this really 'your guy' Stephen? How much is CBS paying you to become exactly what you satirised on the Colbert Report?

  2. "Be proud to be American", as defined as the" AVERAGE AMERICAN " is EUROPEAN, AFRICAN, AND AMERICAN INDIAN ACCORDING TO DNA STUDIES. #READABOOK, GOOGLE , DO 23 AND ME AND PAY ME IF I AM RIGHT. I WILL FINALLY BE RICH.

  3. Those polls showing Biden in the lead, are nonsense! They are only sample sizes of 1,000 "likely" voters. The reality is no one is in the lead because elections didn't start yet!! Please do not let these polls sway your reason for voting… they are purely opinion 😂
    It's clear why many of the mainstream news outlets are going for this ridiculous bait. Because many of those news outlets are owned by one corporation and they are afraid of Sanders 😂
    They only feed you what they want you have, so long as their precious, highly important profits, are protected…

  4. it would probably help if you clarified that poll by mentioning no body in the poll was under 35 – LOL

  5. Stephan Colberr the corporate sellout. This is the same person who took Bush apart. Shameful this uncritical support for the corporate democrip Biden. Disgusting his baseless smearing of Bernie Sanders a few weeks ago. Who pays Mr. Colberrr and how much?

  6. That's cool, most of us aren't Democrats after 2016 anyway. Free seats at the DNC Convention complements of Wall Street and the corporate elite. Enjoy lovely MKE! Go Bernie!

  7. Colbert is completely consumed with hatred… The liberal puke is pure evil… I miss Jay Leno and Dave Letterman… Late night was watchable then… Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump… Boring and lame…Suckeeeee🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

  8. daht daht daht… should get it's own t-shirt and mouse pad and CBS mug.
    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
    cartoon Trump daht daht daht daht…..😂😂😂😂

  9. Am I the only one saying it? As much as I love some of the male Dem candidates shame on them! 2020 marks 100 years of women's suffrage; we must elect a woman NOW! Bow out, fellas, run another time. In 2020 back one of these wonderful women who are running! Personally, I like the sound of Warren-Booker 2020 (-:

  10. The polls under represented young voters, joe isn’t what we need he is a half measure!!! Bernie Baby!!!!

  11. If Biden wins change will not come.
    We need to blow this administration apart.
    Democratic socialist is a fresh start.

  12. Wrong Steven, the country is still behind Bernie… the corporate establishment is who’s behind Joe Biden… oh wait that’s right, this is a network cable show. So bash Bernie and push Joe. Come on man please don’t be a corporate shill

  13. Silly Bernie supporters everyone knows that the only way to get the rich to pay their taxes is to abolish the bourgeois through revolution.

  14. Bernie Sanders said when he first came into office that he would "prostitute" himself to be big donors. It was his words years ago! He also voted AGAINST desegregation of buses while in office. Explain that! He isn't more popular than Bernie. He's a corporate shill.

  15. Your really not going to mention that poll only considered dems over 50? Its Hillary all over again. We're going to end up with another 4 yesrs of trump.

  16. Wow , Steven is all in for Biden ….he made snickering jokes about Bernie Sanders age …BTW Biden is only One year younger.

  17. Those poll samples are purposely under sampling millennials and this misleading. And frankly many people give him the lead because of name recognition. Which is slightly the case with Bernie. So where's the equalizer? Look into their past. One was against integration of schools and busing colored children, while the other was harassed by cops protesting police brutality and marching beside MLK. The list goes on and on. If you care about policy and who will fight for what you believe in, Biden's not your guy.

  18. Biden enters the race and the media treats him like the prodigal son.
    Imagine if they gave the female candidates the same coverage. 🤦🏻‍♀️😞

  19. Joe "I have no empathy for millenials" Biden? The same guy who voted AGAINST desegregation of busses? No thanks.

  20. Anyone, any Democrat, who can beat trump has my vote. Please voters we can't let maniac trump be allowed to continue his daily chaos and craziness. It's our country and all we believe in that's at stake.

  21. Please do not elect biden guys, he is another hillary corporate neutral republican lite politician. He is bought out just like trump and yes he is better than donald, but that's a low bar guys. Also 39 percent? In the rich tier demographic, not any of the other demographics.. which are the larger demographics.

  22. Hooray! More drone strikes and more Romneycare!! Finally, an intelligent, capable politician leader who can actually push forward the conservative agenda, rather than the clueless Trump.

  23. Biden is the polar opposite of Bernie Sanders. The more you learn about him… the less likeable he becomes.

  24. why are you all arguing about Bernie or Biden? You won't change each others minds- everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Primaries will decide, and anyone who understands reality will end up voting for whatever Democrat comes out on top. If Biden has to be a placeholder for four years until a more progressive candidate can win, then so be it. Cuz if Trump is re-elected there won't be anything left to govern.

  25. Biden is a mistake. Trump will link Biden to Obama, the one thing that the racists on the right hate so much it will energize them to get back out and vote again in max numbers, and yet Biden just doesn't stir people on the left to vote. Same mistake all over again from 2016. A luke-warm candidate that most people don't care about, vs a populist who knows how to rile people up.

  26. I wonder if/when Colbert & any other MSM TV commentators will show Bernie's ads or talk about him nearly as much as they do Biden (typical old fogey jokes not included)?? 🙄 Or will the media once again play a key part in making sure Bernie doesn't win?? 🤔

  27. BIDENS FRIENDSHIP WITH OBAMA  STRAINED /SUSPICIOUS 
    and probably not real as ZERO has used him up ??? and Joe dont know it yet ???

  28. Biden told a room full of rich donors "I'll fundamentally change nothing". Don't put your blinders on; Biden will continue the wars, keep the insurance companies in power of your healthcare, keep giving corporate entities tax breaks while loading the burden on the average person.

  29. Trump offering Nancy Pelosi tic-tacs? This may not seem very important but believe me it says a lot about their relationship. With Trump being a manchild, giving things to others reveals a friendship between the two. Why has Nancy Pelosi been lying and defending Trump? Isn't it obvious?

  30. I will be enraged if it ends up being Biden vs trump there are actually some good candidates running this year I’m talking tulsi yang and bernie people who aren’t bought out. People who will do good for this country rather than the people

  31. It’s so funny he says move over MAGA but trumps gonna win again and theres nothing any of you snowflakes can do about it 🤣

  32. Nope. I mean….I'm not the type to abstain from voting if I don't like the DEM candidate, but we've gotta get a progressive in the primaries!!!

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