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If Juice Cleanse Ads Were Honest (Detox, Master Cleanse)

If Juice Cleanse Ads Were Honest (Detox, Master Cleanse)

– Are you tired, bloated, pimply, and constantly self-conscious? – I don’t know, am I? – Do you feel weighed
down by all the toxins and excess weight that
your body’s carrying? – I guess I hadn’t really
thought about that. – Hi I’m Roger and yes, I think you have thought about it. Which is why you should try Horton’s Drinkable Salad Detox Cleanse. (soft guitar music) I’m sure you’ve heard of us. We’ve placed sponsored ads
all over your social media feeds and pay celebrities to post pictures of themselves enjoying our product. The intention is to make you believe that our Drinkable Salads are
the key to real happiness. It’s pretty simple. You’ll agree to stop feeding yourself food for some amount of time and in exchange you’ll pay exorbitant amounts of money for a bunch of different
juices for every meal. – Oh, it tastes like spicy grass! – Many people believe
that detox cleansing leads to improved mood, better
digestion, clearer skin, weight loss and general
sense of well-being. But, ya know, many people
believe all kinds of things, that doesn’t make it true. You definitely won’t
experience any of these benefits while you’re cleansing. That’s because depriving yourself of food will cause you to be a train wreck. The surge in sugar you’re
consuming will lead to wild emotional vacillations, and for you regular
coffee drinkers out there, the sudden depravation of caffeine is going to feel like quitting smoking, with all the irritability that implies. – There’s kale in this,
kale was never supposed to be a thing you drink, it should barely be a thing that you eat. – Honestly, the whole idea of
a detox is pretty misleading. Our bodies naturally detox themselves, that’s what our kidney,
liver, lungs and skin are for. But hey, everyone else is
doing it so it’s worth a shot. For just a significant amount of money, you will receive a variety
of Drinkable Salads composed of premasticated vegetables
and mashed up fruit packaged in non eco friendly containers. And you can trust me when I say that they taste totally fine. Imagine celery and apples that
you can drink for breakfast! Do you like roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and a small salad? Well, now imagine drinking beets mixed with some nuts instead of that! Plus, some tasty alkaline water. I don’t remember why we call
it that or what it’s supposed to do or if it does
what it’s supposed to do but it’s six to nine dollars a bottle. – Jesus (beep) Christ. – Each bottle of Horton’s
Drinkable Salad contains four to eight servings of produce which is obviously way too much, but the process of juicing
removes all its insoluble fiber so it won’t feel like
you’ve consumed anything. – But what is the pos– – Ah, I know exactly
what you’re going to ask. What is the possibility
that I’m going to be (beep) water constantly. – I wasn’t. – High, it’s very high,
it’s almost a certainty. – I was gonna ask what
the positive side was, but that seems less important right now. – Speaking of less, that
brings me to the amount of nutritional value our blended fruit and vegetable slurpees provide, less. Less than you’re used to. Also, you’ll experience
breakouts, body aches, flatulence, bloating,
constipation and/or diarrhea and deep body aches, so I
wouldn’t recommend going to work or attending
any social engagements. – [Woman] Way ahead of you. – However, if you can
tough it out till day three of your voluntary poop torture, you might experience feelings of euphoria and heightened senses! Our certified nutritionist
says that this is a natural byproduct of the detoxification process, but I’m pretty sure it’s
just that you are literally starving to death because our Drinkable Salad Detox cleanse brings your caloric intake down to
under 1,000 calories a day which sends you into starvation mode. Starvation Mode is when
your body shuts down in order to preserve
calories and fat stores, burning muscle mass instead. Don’t worry, our cleanse floods your body with diuretics so you’ll
still lose weight. It’ll just be water weight,
and you’ll most likely gain it back as soon
as you eat a real meal. – I can’t wait to have a real meal again. I’m gonna get a big ole
(beep) off cheeseburger and just murder it. – Be careful when reintroducing
food into your diet. Severe calorie restriction
can permanently slow down your metabolism, so you
may just need to eat less calories in general. Plus, reintroducing
solid foods immediately after consuming nothing but liquids? That’s what we call a bowel game changer. – What? – One more word of
caution since you’re going to be peeing and (beep)
just so much water, you’ll likely to become quite dehydrated. Essentially, you are buying dysentry. But our dysentry comes in
pretty colors with cool, instagrammable packaging so that’s neat. Want me to get a picture
of you drinking it? Gorgeous, #livingmybestlife, #juicelife, #beachbod. #onedaydownfivetogo. – [Woman] (beep) five. – So, if you are ready to be successful, beautiful, desired and toxin free try Horton’s Drinkable
Salad Detox Cleanse. It isn’t easy, but if you want to be loved and live a long, fulfilling
life with a trim waistline and glowing skin, stop
being a baby and suck it up. Oh, thata girl, get them likes.

100 thoughts on “If Juice Cleanse Ads Were Honest (Detox, Master Cleanse)

  1. "Jesus f**** Christ" .. really? How dispicable to take the Lord's Name in vain in such a way. I did not finish this video and I will not watch any others. The host.. Rob, is an A-hole anyway

  2. I worked in pharmacy, we would often tell people dont buy it is a waste of money, if you want to detox, drink water.

  3. Say what you will but there’s a product called goodness blue goodness green goodness red goodness drink that stuff for a month and you will take the best shits of your life really clears you out

  4. All you have to do is buy a juicer. It was the best investment I've ever made in my life. $500 for mine. I have a video of it on my channel. You don't have to stop eating or anything. Just make sure you juice 2-3 times a week and your body will make adjustments like you wouldn't believe. I'm not defending these detox drinks you can buy at the store they're talking about in this video. I'm only saying…buy a juicer… the benefits are crazy huge.

  5. I’m going to patent that “ Royal Slurpies “ . I’m just going to the supermarket refuse bins for some rotten veggies and some manure and I’ve already got a load of grass that’s regularly “ infused with poop” from the sheep. I’m going to make a billon by selling shit in a bottle . Mmmm yummy 😋 😂👍

  6. I have a little Magic bullet. It is the best gift I bought myaelf in January 2016. I make fresh fruit and veggie juice. I place them in the container and add water and strain it and it only takes 5 minutes prep time. If it is in a bottle, it is not that fresh. I save my money.

  7. You chase a bad target, I hace done a 90 day juice fast and i got rid of 60 pounds and i feel in the best shape of my life, check JOHN ROSS, DR ROBERT MORSE AND CEASAR CASSAR CHANNEL if you really want to know about juicing…

  8. 👨‍💻Detox Drinks etc 🤷‍♂️😳 another con job like panadol & healthy on a packet foods + the 30% increase for the same as cheaper products
    LISTEN UP u have a stomach & kidneys etc the do all the work free Just dont abuse the Junk foods fats sugars keep it down 👍🦘WOT-?

  9. Damn that one is so true I’ve heard people telling me about that and I’m like why the fuck would you do that to yourself. I can barely stand up if I don’t eat for 5 or even 3 hours sometimes 😂😂😂😂😂

  10. People do not be deceive: this channel used to make honest videos but this one is a complete lie. I agree with not buying expensive juices with quimicals in it but you can make them yourself while breaking with the addiction of coffee and food. There isnt such a thing as starvation; your body will really thank you for it. Look up benefits of fasting for those without the knowledge. God bless everyone!

  11. I tried it thought I was going to die by day 1 1/2 so I stopped but it took me 2 weeks to get over it I was on coconut water if anyone was wandering

  12. 😂 the disinformation on this are next level, juice fast is not about restrictions on calories or other crap that this useful idiot are saying… Before anyone believe on this Bs do some research and specially EXPERIENCE themselves to have some real info… 6 to 9 liters a day fruit, vegetables, roots and leefy greens, colon messages, exercise, meditation, support your organs of elimination of damage and if the cleanse is getting strong slow Dow or stop! Go on till you stop popping solids most people need 3 month to get all the $hit they have in the intestines, most difficult part is how to brake a fast soaked plums are the best, go check JOHN ROSE YouTube for the best info, enlight tyself

  13. This needs to come on commercials rather than the other junk that's on the network already. Very funny and extremely true.

  14. i got kick out of his videos but lost interest learning about him being arrested for his child pornography charges

  15. Some of this is not very accurate. Giving your body a break from crap now and again is a great thing to do, and you’re not going to suddenly start loosing muscle. That’s what fat is for.

  16. I see some inept individual called you old, if he only knew what old is. He'll find out eventually 🙂 I love these videos, it's something I have wanted to do from the first YouTube video I ever saw, but procrastination and lack of artistry got in my way. Keep it up! (the videos I mean…)

  17. Roger:
    "enjoy our many videos where we show you how many ways society invented to f*@k you, while you give us views and we don't give you any alternative at all to all this sh*t! Enjoy! And don't forget to like! "
    Just a joke ahah

  18. Please do how IF EARTH WERE HONEST

    plants use carbon dioxide in a process of photosynthesis so RELEASE OXYGEN. We eat food, we release shit. 🤯

  19. I love his videos or should I say like his videos. They are interesting, creative, funny, and mostly true but on this particular subject, he's extremely ignorant. Detoxing is very beneficial.

  20. 5:23 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
    He's talking about being loved with glowing skin and a beautiful body, while she looks like she's been butt fucked by a train. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


  21. If horton vlog were honest, he make money to view his video and became a million dollar man in the planet, because youtube pay horton😂 but no worries, because you👇 are the one who pay or buy internet and waste your time to watch him to became a rich horton🤣 but…. do'nt believe me, because this is true🤣

  22. How about "If blogger and social media influencers were honest", or "If vegan life-style promoters were honest", or "if doctors were honest about what happens with your body after childbirth"?

  23. Pretty humorous videos, but abusing the Name of the God of the universe, Jesus Christ, takes all the fun out of it

  24. All ur videos are convincing enough i say u become a politician or bureaucrat and crack billions of dollars and make a video of how u get them from cracked heads. Lol

  25. if there were funeral home ads (and there are some) and they were honest, especially about the cremation process, etc. DO IT.

  26. God: i will make your body accumulate fat so when you starve you wont die
    Also God: but if you are starving your body will instead consume it's own muscle, the thing you need to stop starving, instead if its fat

  27. I noticed they like the curse the name of Jesus Christ in a lot of their videos my question is how many of you that watch these videos get offended by that or have you been so numb by the satanic Beast society that you don't even care anymore

  28. No juicing does wonders. However it’s a lifestyle not just a quick fix (starving yourself) so that you can loose 5lbs before the big day. You will loose the weight but as soon as you go back to eating the way you’ve been eating then you’ll gain it all back.
    The best thing is to invest in a juicer and do it yourself.

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