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If Coffee Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody)

If Coffee Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody)

Oh beautiful day I’d call it perfect but it’s missing something don’t you think ah there it is this morning just wasn’t complete until your first cup of coffee right yeah there’s nothing quite like a steaming cup full of an addictive drug in the morning I’m Roger and I’d love to tell you about Horton brand warm addictive brown stuff please enjoy this footage of velvety smooth beans followed by a well shot close-up of a hot brown liquid that’s brewed by mixing heated water with the roasted smashed-up seeds of a flowering shrub native to southern Africa and tropical Asia I only showed you that to remind you you desperately need your fix how could you forget you see these small brown seeds are a naturally occurring source of the world’s most widely consumed central nervous system stimulant caffeine while most brain altering substances are outlawed or at least tightly controlled by the government this entirely legal psychoactive drug is enjoyed by basically every person you know on a daily basis completely unrestricted and with zero cultural stigma in fact it’s openly celebrated by your friends family and morning television personalities smells so good I can’t wait to add flavors and sweetener to distract from the natural flavor of this thing I claim to love and not be addicted to I do like it it’s just that two sugars and that hazelnut creamer make it I’m not a dick junkies like him keep me a harvester of brown seeds in business but not just me also me a distributor of overpriced addictive sludge it also comes in pumpkin flavored if you’d prefer that to the wet cigar boiled asphalt flavor that occurs now truly I do great that’ll be $11 and here’s a cup with your name just butchered on it to prove that you will let literally anyone treat you literally however they want as long as they’re handing you a cup of the chemical reward of an unregulated psychoactive drug enjoy your drug disguised as a universally celebrated touchstone of human culture Rand or Rand or that’s not even a name I didn’t even try now I understand that you wouldn’t want to associate that chemical reward with the knowledge that people with far less money than you are severely underpaid to grow and harvest these bitter drug Laden seeds so I’d like to show you some more footage this time of a hard-working happy looking person in Ethiopia or Guatemala somewhere it doesn’t really matter I’m also going to say some words that combined with these images should make you feel better Organic cooperative sustainable ethical ethics I could bore you with the details and complexities of the international commodities market or I could just say hey look this burlap bag of beans has Fairtrade stamped on it that’s good right sure or at any rate it lets you plausibly deny that your happiness fix relies on somebody else’s misery now the only thing that will keep you up at night is this central nervous system stimulant you consume on a daily basis via this mix of heated water and roasted smashed up seeds why are you doing this why are you telling us this really pranky when you haven’t had your coffee you know that there you go a nice warm cup of your personality drink it up I’m Roger by the way hey I’m Roger thanks for watching like and subscribe hey what other terrible aspects about coffee did I miss put it in the comments and I’ll read them then we’ll get back to you

100 thoughts on “If Coffee Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody)

  1. I can't believe people are so weak and can't control themselves….I only drink 5 cups a day so addicted people don't have so many coffee available

  2. All joke aside.. I never feel cranky if I dont get my espresso.. And I drink everyday 2-3 double shots.. Sometimes I just dont if Im out or broken machine.. Is it just me? Does that make me weird?

  3. This guy is a thorough pain in the ass. A common theme in all his bullshit videos is the basic evil of making a buck selling stuff that people want. Oh, the humanity!

  4. Have to balance the idea that addiction is a 'bad' thing. Being addicted to something doesn't automatically mean you MUST STOP TAKING IT, or start getting help to wane yourself off. It simply means you crave it.

    Think back to how you were for the months before you started drinking coffee regularly, then to how it's helped you since. Then decide if it's bad or not.

  5. I actually just mix my coffee with water, no sugar or stuff , it tastes bitter but I only drink it because it wakes me up completely after about 10mins .
    So I only drink in the morning , but yeah I feel like shit whenever i forget it so I might be addicted even though I only have 1 cup per day

  6. LOL, hey now, it's the only thing I'm addicted to….. And not afraid to say so either. Sorry, not sorry…. or convinced I need to quite LOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOL Thank you for the fun information 😉

  7. If they were…they would tell by HOUR BODY IS ADDICRED TO IT…. go ahead …try TO GO ONE WEEK WITHOUT YOUR COFFEE… see how addicted u r

    ..also TAKE note once withdraw is over HOW MUCH BETTER U FEEL

  8. Once upon a time, I looked at all my favorite sodas and found, much to my shock, they were literally all the caffeine free ones.

  9. Brown teeth that you’ll have to reach for more chemicals in order to turn them back white. Increase likelihood of kidney stones which are worse than child birth.

  10. I only drink coffee because it is delicious. When it's hot out I don't drink it and have no symptoms. When it's cold I can have a cup before bed with no problem. There is no substituting it with a pastry, cake, pie, or cookie. Yum!
    There have been studies (which I don't always believe whether they're good or bad) that coffee is effective in preventing certain types of cancer, particularly colon cancer. It supposedly has other benefits as well, when drank/drunk in moderation.

  11. Why doesn't this video talk about the benefits and antioxidants that come with drinking coffee in moderation?

  12. I applaud you! A good way of getting to people! Accurate , honest ! Hopefully people get the point to these money hungry industrys and there subliminal messaging and lies. Its about time to do something about it and protect your health and body and this is a good way of doing something about it! Power to you !

  13. If it tastes like asphalt you are doing it wrong… Or purchasing who knows what. It should taste like what it is sun toasted cherries.
    Source: I'm Colombian, and coffee is the other neurostimulant we are incredibly good at making.

  14. Had my very first Tim Horton's coffee a few months ago. Their regular type. Tasted horribly like mango. Had my very last Tim Horton's coffee a few months ago…

  15. I bet Roger drinks a lot of this chemical reward of an unregulated psychoactive drug that's disguised as a universal celebrated touchstone of human culture deduced from those addictive sludge made from a mixture of heated water & roasted smashed up seeds of a flowering shrub native to southern Africa and tropical Asia stained yellow tell-tale teeth.

  16. I like my psychoactive drugs. Who dafuq goes around raw dogging life by being sober? Those are the real freaks.

  17. Stopped drinking beer, thought I was doing good. Apparently not I’m addicted to coffee 🤨. Fuck it I’m going to go get me a 12 pack

  18. I am INDIAN & I love tea 😍

  19. Oh no ,coffee is evil too , im such a sucker , right with anti oxidants and so on . One year it will kill you slowly ,the next it wiil keep cancer at bay . I guess ill just go crawl into a hole and come out only to eat speacil hip veggies like a good soy boy vegan . Excuse me as i go suck my thumb .

  20. not all addictions are life-destroying. coffee is one of them. and what will happen to coffee farmers, once we decide it's bad for our health and we stop buying?


  22. This is why I tend to buy my own coffee beans, usually from a small producer, and I check the company for ethical practices and/or FDA approval. Sure, it may cost more time and money to be this pedantic, but at least now I get my drug fix in a relatively healthy manner. Moreover, when coffee became widely available in Europe during the mid-to-late Renaissance era, it began to coincide with and in some areas replace weak cider, (which was actually one of few beverages safe to drink at the time, as it had a small percentage of alcohol in it), and due to the stimulant nature of the stuff may have actually helped increase productivity in those areas. In that sense, coffee has helped progress humankind, and though there are areas of its production aspects that suck and need to be fixed, in moderate amounts and balanced with a glass or two of water (coffee is a natural diuretic), it is safe and can actually be beneficial to the human body.

  23. Pretty much everything we have is from someone else's labor.
    There is work being done to better the lives of the people who work in the fields etc. And progress, though slowly, is being made.
    If we all just stop drinking coffee… What happens to those people?
    It's a vicious cycle.

    In the meantime….
    GIVE ME MAH COFFEE! please, it'll just be better for everyone else around me if you do! ☕ ❤

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