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Howard Schultz Can’t Read the Room in Campaign Ad

Howard Schultz Can’t Read the Room in Campaign Ad

-And now,
a message from Independent candidate for
president, Howard Schultz. -Hello. I’m former Starbucks
C.E.O. Howard Schultz, and I’m running for president
of the United States. Over the past few months, I’ve traveled all across
this great nation, speaking to
everyday Americans, and hearing what
they had to say. Mostly,
they say things like, “Please, for the love of God,
don’t run for president. Why on Earth
would you do this?” But just like
a true Starbucks barista, I didn’t hear
the words properly. To me, it sounded like,
“That’s a great idea. You should really
run for president.” It is a great idea.
It says so on this cup. [ Laughter ] Now, I know what
you’re thinking. A billionaire businessman
with zero political experience becoming president?
What could possibly go wrong? But let me assure you, I will
work for the middle class, I will improve education,
and most importantly, I will pay off our national debt
using the $12 trillion I have collected
selling Norah Jones CDs. And to those who think that,
as an independent, third-party candidate, I could help Donald Trump
win re-election, and that I’m blatantly
ignoring the fact that people want me to
stay out of this race, I say this — I know how to
read a room, okay? I know what people want.
Trust me. Let me tell you about
my five-point plan. As president, I promise
to record a longer version of the Baby Shark song. It should be longer. I also want to extend
the Twitter character limit to 1,200 words. People need more words
to tweet. [ Laughter ] I promise to close
all Sears stores, and replace them
with Radio Shacks. [ Laughter ] I will make those little Xs
in the corner of YouTube ads even harder to find. And when you do finally
click on one, it’ll just open up
three more ads. And finally,
the Unicorn Frappuccino all year long. Yeah, baby. It’s time for a change,
America. Our two-party system
has grown old and stale — like those sausage, egg,
and cheese sandwiches we leave behind the counter
for weeks at a time just collecting dust. And look, if you’re still unsure
about supporting me, I simply say,
“You owe me, America.” It’s the least you can do since I let you use
my bathrooms for free. So, in 2020,
remember to vote for me, former Starbucks C.E.O.
Howard Schultz. And together, we can make
America grande again. I asked for almond milk!

100 thoughts on “Howard Schultz Can’t Read the Room in Campaign Ad

  1. We all know that diversity is being pushed on us, and we are told that it is a good thing.
    But have you noticed that it is only in White countries that diversity is being promoted?
    Nobody is promoting diversity in Black or Asian countries.
    Diversity means chasing down the last White child.
    It means chasing down White flight until their are no more White neighborhoods, schools, or workplaces.
    Diversity is a codeword for White genocide.
    Anti-racist is a codeword for anti-White.

  2. You can tell Schultz has the liberal establishment scared since they have put their dogs on him. The election is 2 years away and the Hollywood comedians are already mocking him.

  3. Oh, my… god. How does he look even more sexi with grey hair. The absolute finest wine, only gets better with time. Even his temper tantrum creates lust in my mind. #SoInLove

  4. in some countries they have to at least turn independent by quitting their party. better than bipartisan, it's unpartisan

  5. What's so wrong about a self made billionaire running for president, if a dumb corrupt bitch who's husband got his dick sucked off in the oval office is more than okay to run?

  6. someone win then other dickhead thats in pls! a wall… talk about other meaningful things.. dear god… how dumb is he! Jimmy pls run! 🙂

  7. 2020 is still 2 years away and the attacks have already begun. You can tell the liberal democrats must be scared of him. Jimmy Fallon is a sellout, like all late night comedians.

  8. Go f yourself Howard Schultz your hometown hates you. I’ve been boycotting Starbucks for the last ten years (Sonics)

  9. OooOOOooOOOH! This comment section is filled with haters,
    with haters, with HATERS!
    This comment section is filled with haters, KKKers, and russian booooooooooots!

  10. What did the guy in the audience at a public meeting with Schultz say?
    “Don’t help elect Trump, you egotistical, billionaire a**hole.”
    There are much better choices out there.

  11. It didn’t take long for jimmy to express the viewpoint of the radical left on Schultz. It’s so laughable how late night host or not hiding their political bias nowadays.

  12. I hope the people in America are paying attention. If you don't do EXACTLY as the LIBERALS want, EXACTLY as they want you to speak and EXACTLY as they want you to think – they will eat you alive. They are cannibals. I believe Howard Schultz should have his chance to run for anything he wants to do. Leave him alone. This is America, land of the free. For all you Trump haters, "How bad could it be?" Look at his stats. Howard Schultz made what he has by himself!! You dog Trump because his father gave him his money, now this guy isn't good enough either? You only want who will run as a Liberal Democrat. Well, how did that turn out for you last time? Howard Schultz, this IS America!! Go for it!!! There are Republicans that will vote for you, too!!!

  13. Democrats are trying to bully Howard Schultz but they are about to find out that he is tough and he is a fighter. He will not back down and he is going to fight for the sane people in this country that believe in capitalism, that believe people shouldn't be punished for their success, and that believe that we shouldn't be running up massive amounts of debt that our children will have to pay for just to get votes from lazy, uneducated people who have no intention of contributing to this country and only want a handout.

  14. I'll vote for Starbucks dude when he lowers the price of coffee to $1 like McDonald's. $1 any size, and it's good. SB coffee is highly overrated. If he truly is for middle-class then show it and lower coffee prices.

  15. Liberals are most undemocratic people. They hate competition. You can say whatever about Trump but he beat 16 other candidates in primaries. Schultz saw how the primaries of Democratic Party were rigged in favor of HRC against Bernie. So I don't find anything wrong for him to expect the same treatment to him as well.

  16. https://www.gofundme.com/sos-cancer-for-the-poor?sharetype=teams&member=1613662&rcid=r01-154905447971-22dc8b38a2f449a2&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m please help funding me I am 16 help me please

  17. screw fallon's on the spot scripted take on schultz. Go for it jimmy – I love to see you asshole libtards cannabilizing each other. I love it.

  18. Fuck, fey is so has been and about 100 years old. Her face is wrinkled and she has a ton of cellulite because I heard people saw her with her pants down at a party wherer she was very drunk.

  19. Has Elizabeth Warren somehow managed to coerce Howard into doing this so she won't be the biggest joke in the race? Is there a hot tape involving a biscotti? If so, not working.

  20. If schultz came out as a hard core liberal and didnt say he agreed with trump on the tariffs hed be a late nite darling. Instead he criticized the moron cortez so now hell be a target

  21. He is running to help trump wake up america.. boycott starbucks you dumb fucks all starbucks profits go towards israel to help them supress media outlets who are against their supression of palestinians.

  22. Howard Schultz grew up in poverty and worked hard to build a multi-billion dollar business that employs over 238,000 people. He is what the American dream is all about and wants to see other people succeed and doesn't want to punish them with insanely high taxes when they finally do succeed. The ironic thing is that most of the people who are criticizing him simply for being wealthy actually grew up much wealthier and had way more advantages in life than he did and haven't done nearly as much with their life as he has.

  23. How can Howard Schultz be so selfish?? Doesn’t he care that if he runs as an Independent, this may tip 2020 to the Republicans??? If the Republicans win the Presidency in 2020, then life on Earth may go extinct (Severe climate change). Please, if you love yourself and your children/family, only vote for Democrats (local, state, federal)!!!

  24. The irony of Fallon, mocking Shultz, creating a caricature of him, pretending he's an idiot, not experienced enough…. Would he dare mock ANY Democrat in this way?

  25. Howard Schultz’s mansions, penthouses and vacation homes: 
    http://seattle-mansions.blogspot.com/2011/11/howard-schultz-217-million-pay.html, https://www.reddit.com/r/starbucks/comments/3i4i9l/starbucks_ceo_howard_schultz_buys_25_million/

    Howard Schultz on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jan 31, 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fbmZC94gWQ

    "Save the Rich," Song and lyrics by Garfunkel and Oates, Sep 7, 2015, https://youtu.be/X26ZZHraGFw?t=9

    What most of you don’t know about wealth and you," • https://goo.gl/L4yJLk

    "Why You Will Never Be Rich," Feb 19, 2018, https://youtu.be/_RzLP4Z4UJQ?t=52

    Is Taxing The Ultra-Wealthy ‘Punishing Success?’, Velshi & Ruhle, MSNBC, Feb 12, 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muxJxNl0IK0

    If you think it doesn't make sense for the rich to pay higher taxes, you haven't seen this chart," • https://goo.gl/L4yJLk

    Billionaires: Tax Us More!, https://www.youtube.com/watchv=M0MP2TnEPzA

    “I support higher taxes on people like me. I think America has more of a revenue problem than a spending problem. … We’re mortgaging our children’s future. It’s one thing to borrow money for infrastructure investment, but this … The tax cut was an overall step in the wrong direction. Nobody who has any background in economics thought the tax bill was a good idea."
    — Douglas Durst, Multi-millionaire American real estate investor, developer and famously known for the National Debt Clock on Durst in Times Square, Washington Post, September 17, 2018, https://youtu.be/Q0QCMzrYXbY?t=1m35s

  26. Embarassing dude. You couldnt even make fun of him personally or his politics, thats not a caricature its just trying to desperately push an agenda.

  27. Fallon is a leftist Shill and is not even funny when he does this stuff. Grow a backbone Jimmy and leave the money, stand up for America for a change. You are pushing the Democratic power agenda to take freedom away in the form of socialism. You may get paid to bash capitalism but you are sure enjoying those fruits now. Check yourself in and get rid of the liberal pathogen today. America was built on great ideals like freedom of speech, religion, freedom to defend oneself, etc. You sold out. You didn't start being like this until your upper ups put the thumbscrews down on you so hard….now you are just and puppet and believe all of that crap. Get back to entertaining TV where you didn't have to put on your virtue signaling hat and dog and pony show to prove you are the good little leftist and that you won't cause any ripples.

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