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Emergency Patriarch Meeting (no girls allowed)

Emergency Patriarch Meeting (no girls allowed)

gentlemen thank you for joining me on such short notice now normally I would never broadcast something like this over unsecured public networks but as you know time is of the essence and our very way of life is under direct threat the stakes have never been higher I am referring of course to this the end of manspreading student fed up with men infringing on her public space wins National Design Award for creating a chair that restricts how they sit down now I have to say and keep in mind my credentials as a purveyor of cringe-inducing stupidity that in my humble estimation this has got to be one of the most goddamn embarrassingly moronic things I have ever seen now I know what you're thinking does this really matter in the grand scheme of things is this really a pressing issue LP well no it isn't people do stupid things every day and let's be honest feminists do stupid things at an even higher rate than a normal person it's more than national award that gets me you know it's when we start handing out awards to people for just doing mediocre meaningless gestures that perks me but it's not a huge deal I'm gonna keep this short if you'll indulge me all right if you'll indulge me I have a few critiques I'd like to make of this project starting with I see in the picture here we have a woman's chair and we have a men's chair which leaves me wondering where are the gender non-conforming people going to sit hmm not to mention the trans mask a fabs I mean it's a little bit old-fashioned for 2019 isn't it one thing is for sure the Scottish National School Authority is not going to be impressed putting that aside let's take a look at how these chairs actually work so on the right here we have what I can only assume is a castrated male it looks appropriately emasculated and miserable legs scrunched together and on the Left we have the creator of chairs Leila Laurel spread-eagle with a convenient wooden block in the shape of an arrow pointed directly at her couch in case you were wondering where your eyes were supposed to go apparently it's not good enough to just reduce manspreading we need to also increase clam spreading because I guess the modern woman doesn't have enough encouragement to spread her legs every chance she gets but I have to say the really intensely profoundly stupid aspect of this project is what problem is it actually meant to fix now don't get me wrong I've heard of manspreading before I'm familiar with the concept but what I'm saying is every time I've heard somebody bring this up it is in a situation that involves public transit like bus seating where the seats are all connected to each other in a bench like formation it seems to me that the problem of man spreading by definition cannot exist if you don't have that bench like seating in the first place so if you did have that kind of seating somewhere and you wanted to fix the problem of man spreading you could do so by just replacing that seating with normal chairs you don't need special custom-built anti man spreading gender binary endorsing chairs see what I'm saying according to Daily Mail miss Laurel who graduates in 3d design and crafts from the University of Brighton later this month has been commended for her innovative creation she won an award for emerging talent in the design industry called the Belmont award which calls for imaginative and cleverly presented ideas I wanted to look into this a little bit further so I traced this back to a website called new designers dot-com and here on the page we have some judges comments a bold Purpose Driven design that explores the important role of design in informing space a person's behavior and societal issues of today award prize the winner of the inaugural Belmont award will be commissioned to design a product for one of Bellman's highly distinctive and much-loved properties bellman will facilitate and fund the winners collaboration with a manufacturer to produce the leading design with the opportunity for the end product to be featured within the Belmont portfolio the prize given includes a thousand-pound bursary for the winner towards expenses incurred during the project and throughout the prize winner will have the opportunity to learn from Belmont in-house bench of design experts as well as our wider network of leading creative professionals craftsmen and women hmm that's uh okay Oh crafts men and women okay in short the winner will become an integrated part of Bellman's art and design led family now the word portfolio is a little bit ambiguous does that mean this is something that they would actually sell because who would buy this I think we all know that nobody would buy this these chairs are not practical they're a flat which makes them extremely uncomfortable looking I mean who's gonna buy this the only people I could think of would be like one of those feminist cafes where they charge men more money because of the wage gap but those places already all went out of business finally we have the awards criteria our award winner will be a graduate from 2019 whose work demonstrates an intrinsic knowledge of how design and craftsmanship are married together the bellmen brand is defined by its ability to bring much loved travel experiences from our past into the modern-day voguing a sense of contemporary nostalgia who else remembers the good old days when you could air out your nuts without people turning it into a political issue anyway I've read enough I don't really know much about this Belmond organization but I'm pretty sure at this point you got to throw out the whole organization I'm pretty sure they've completely embarrassed themselves I mean this is on the same level as letting black people win a debate competition because they hopped up on stage I made jungle noises there's no arguing it Towson University's debate team wins claiming an historic win they are the first all-black women's team to win the cross-examination debate associations national championship this morning we have two of the team members here we have Amina Ruffin and Corey Johnson both here to talk about the the major victory ladies way to go congratulations thank you you've made so many people proud in this area now we want to pick your brain a little bit as we admire your huge trophy by the way that's ridiculous but I'm gonna ask you first we'll start with you Amina what was the topic first of all the topic was restricting presidential War Powers Authority they say the nigga is always already queer that's exactly the point it means that the impact is that that is an impact turn to be afraid is that that is the case turn to the affirmative because we we're saying that queer bodies are not able to survive the necessarily means in the body of the nigga it's not able to survive on we got the topic in about July I mean we started doing our research then did not see another nigger that he it feels 74 or embracement rather it makes me wonder if there are black people and women out there who get annoyed at this sort of thing you know who feel embarrassed when they see somebody in their demographic getting patted on the head basically just for being part of the demographic I mean I'm honestly asking because as a straight white male I don't really get pandered to in that way and there you know there is something that humans like about being given attention and validated and told you did a good job and all that sort of thing but as someone on the other side of the fence I have to say I have no regrets for where I am you know being in a sink-or-swim type environment is not all fun and games it's not always pleasant but on the other hand at least you're gonna fucking learn how to swim no I'm saying which you have never seen before but deep inside you know the must be more you cannot move but you have never seen been hold the demon side you know and as I left no one tried to stop me so I learned was always free I wanna was always as free what's always free [Applause] but I was just too scared Wow watch the window you're under arrest step out now step out now step out now step out now step out step out now you're under arrest 1:35 give me another unit you're under arrest [Applause]

21 thoughts on “Emergency Patriarch Meeting (no girls allowed)

  1. She looks quite smug and proud of this nonsense…even though she is a sexist scumbag and she was rewarded? Pfft, nobody is going buy her chairs, let alone force men to sit on them.

  2. I guarantee you one thing, she didn't lift a saw, hammer ,chisel or plane to actually put any of the bits of wood together to actually make anything.

  3. Yeah we fucked up making the second gender, sorry Humans; we'll try to do better in the foreseeable future.

  4. "That he A(!), nigga, we A(!) have niggah, A(!)"

    Great debate you win big trophy. Biggest trophy A(!)

  5. How many women will end up rubbing the bean against that chuck of wood ? Seat will end up forever wet feom horny gals rubbing one on the "wood" . Why dont men and women both use the female chair therefore having the same amount of space, in saying that these seats are bigoted as wot about trannies and non gendered people? Will they have to stand?

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