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Confessions of a Disney Employee

Confessions of a Disney Employee

So my first part time job was at MGM Studios in Orlando, Florida. They call it Hollywood Studios now, but to me it’s always gonna be MGM. Now I know a lot of you guys have been to Disney, and no matter what park you go to, there’s always gonna be certain types of things going on behind the scenes that none of you guys are aware of. But there’s layers and categories that divide all of the Disney employees You have the people that have worked there for 15 years, and they have their little pin. And they’ve met their boyfriend or girlfriend there and they’re getting married on property, it’s a whole Disney themed wedding. You’ve got those people there. You’ve got people who take their job TOO seriously. Like, you have the costume and the non-costume. The non-costume people, they’re smiling all the time, they’re just a little bit awkward to be around. And you have the costume people who BELIEVE they are those Disney characters. Kids are sitting on a bench somewhere, you know, drinking soda, and they’ll run up and *PSHHH* slap the drink out of the kid’s hands like “Kid’s! Quick! C’mon! I just stole this loaf of bread!” “From the marketplace! Cause I’m poor!” “Guess what? You’re poor too! Sultan’s guards are coming! Let’s run!” “And let’s just a sing song! Sing a song!” ♪ Gotta keep one jump ahead of the law men ♪ I never had a problem working with those people. OK, and then you have people like me. Who would show up to work on time. Clock in, do their job, clock out, not cause any problems. And I love working with people like me. Because I’m AWESOME! Now the people I DIDN’T like working with: The Snitches. And Disney snitches are the WORST. Their sole objective when they come to work is to pretty much rat and snitch on everybody else. They think they’re like spies. In reality, they’re coming to work and jumping in their 1984 Honda Civic. But in their mind, they’re in an Aston Martin cruising into MI6 like a double-0 agent, and they work for British secret intelligence. There was one day I went into work, and they put me outside of my ride. I was NOT in the best of moods to be all smiley. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the other greeter standing there. He’s just there tapping his foot, staring at me, hands on hips, UGH! He thinks he’s all slick! I see him go over to the phone. 2 mins later a manager shows up. Anyways, I got reprimanded that day. I’m like dude! You’re 38! Why are you ratting on some 16 year old! Like really man? C’mon! But oh! Don’t get me started on the managers over there. I can’t talk for other Disney parks, but the managers at MGM in my section… OH! WOW! We had 5 managers and they’d rotate every week. And 4 out of those 5 managers HATED MY GUTS! One of them was black. And you’d figured the one black guy would be the one who liked me. No. No. The black guy hated me THE MOST! See, you can’t give some black people power. We’re your best friend… until you hand us that clipboard. And then as soon as we get that clipboard we think in our own minds we’re Lion-O, Lord of the ThunderCats. And we rule all of Third Earth and Thundera. Like, you can’t give some black people that clipboard. The managers didn’t start off harassing me, this happened about 6 months in. Everything was magical at first, like at orientation. That was probably the best orientation I’ve ever had for any of my jobs. Ever. They group all the new people up, let you skip the lines, go on rides together, play team building games. And they seal the deal, with free food! One thing I will say, Disney has the BEST employee food ANYWHERE! It’s pretty much they same thing they feed the guests, but it’s 70% off. And I can’t speak for anybody else, but if you ever want me to do something? Doesn’t matter how crazy it is. Take me out and give me free food. If that orientation lady were to sat- I probably shouldn’t even say this on this video. But anyways. If that orientation lady were to sat down next to me, lean over and whisper all quiet like “Adande. We’re glad you’re having a good time.” Welcome to the team. But, we need you… to kidnap… the Prime Minister of Australia’s daughter… tonight.” I would have looked up like YO! Get me on a plane! Now! Forget Inception and going 4 layers deep, and planting a little seed of idea like a parasite. No. If you want me to do anything, bump all that. Just take me to P.F. Chang’s and buy me $200 worth of food. Disney knows what they’re doing. But they kinda brainwash their employees, and it’s not a natural thing. To smile for 8 hours a day? Everyday? And to listen to that same ♪Beatbox rendition of ‘It’s a Small World’♪ EVERY SINGLE DAY? Your eye starts to twitch. And you start to tick, you get these weird little ticks. There’s gonna be some side effects. Same way there’s side effects with Viagra like: [imitating ad voiceover] “If your excitement lasts for more than 14 days, please consult a physician.” Those kind of side effects, they warn you about. But Disney, they never warn you about the side effects. Disney employees… they snap. And you never see the ones that snap. Because it’s always when you go to lunch break, you raise your hand to clock out, and then something psychologically fires in your mind. And you just turn into a zombie and keep walking to the parking lot , jump in their car and go. And you never come back. I snapped. You just become self aware. You want to stop working, but you figure meh. So what do I do? I start showing up late. On purpose. First it was 5 minutes. Then in was 10. Then I bumped it up to 30. And NOBODY would notice. I had to step it up a little bit. So what do I do next? I start stealing. And I don’t wanna steal anything TOO crazy, I didn’t want to get in any serious trouble. So what do I steal? First I stole pencils, I’m Disney brainwashed so stealing pencils was a big deal. Obviously, no one noticed. So, what do I start stealing? In front of the Indiana Jones show, we have a magnetic clipboard to show times. Yeah, no more 8:30 shows. I stole ALL the 8:30 show magnets. I don’t know what came over me. Like *BOOM* you’re coming with me. Thug life baby. ‘Kay, get on my level. And then one night, my shift is over, I’m about to go home. Some random manager from a completely different section of the park comes up to me like “Hey! You, hey. Hey kid.” “What’s your name tag say? Ada… Adet…YOU!” “Ademantium! Come with me.” I walking with this guy, I’m like “What’s up man? I’m about to go home.” He’s like “No man, you’re not going home. We need you.” “A company just rented out the park.” “And they only rented out half the park.” “So you see over by Star Wars, where there’s no light, it’s pitch black and there’s roaches scattering around and LORD knows what over there?” “We need you to stand there for about 3 hours.” I’m looking at this guy like “You’re kidding right? I’ve got to go home, I’ve got school tomorrow.” “Look buddy, I’m sorry. We’ve all got things to do tomorrow.” “But you’ve gotta stand over there.” “In case any guests get lost.” “We need you to stand over there in the darkness, if they walk over to you, redirect them to civilisation where the partying is happening.” “We’re gonna all be over here. You stand right over there.” “OK, how long do I have to stand over there?” “Maybe a few hours? I’ll come and let you know.” I’m over there standing, and the longer I stand there, the more heated I get. “Guy’s talking to me like I’m a mite? Like I’m an animal!? Who do you think I am!?” “Why am I the only person here! I don’t see anybody else!” “I quit. I’m done. Outta here. Peace.” “I’m walking, I’m done. That’s it, I don’t care what happens.” “I hope that guy sees me walking out!” As I’m about to get to wardrobe to clock out, I look down the street. And all I see are Disney chefs, and the entire road is full of FREE. DISNEY. FOOD. Chefs are tossing pancakes in the air in slow motion. You’ve got chefs on the grill. Free food galore! That comes as one of the packages, you can rent out the park, and the ENTIRE park is catered. I gotta get some of this food! But it’s all rich, old people around. I can’t blend in. I assess the situation and I realise: Ok, #1. I’m rehiring myself #2. I gotta find out what the deal is with all this. Next day I come into work and pull aside one of the employees that had been there for 3 years. “Yeah, um, people can rent out the parks?” “Yeah.” “OK, crazy question I know, um…” “They always have free food like that? Or… how does that work?” “Yeah, they always get free food.” “Ok. Ok.” “Crazy question, I mean, psh.” “What if an employee, like, got caught, sneaking in and tryin’ to eat some of the free food?” “I know that’s crazy, right?” She looked and me and was like “Um, termination. On the spot.” OK. THAT’s how I’m going out. I’m going out in an orchestra of bacon, sausages and eggs. About a month later, another group rents out the park. Now I’m just sizing everybody up like “No. I still can’t blend in with you guys.” But two months after that, a HIGH SCHOOL rents out the entire park. And we only had 2 shows at Indiana Jones that night. So I’m telling myself this is it! This is it! We do our two shows, and the INSTANT the second one ends, I’m like *PSHOOOM* Like a ninja! I’m hopping from rooftops on the Disney rides to get to wardrobe. I change, and my new mission is how do I get back, wearing civilian clothing, without security seeing me. I’ve spent too many hours playing Metal Gear Solid. Hideo Kojima, DO NOT fail me now. I’m leaning up against walls, I’m in bushes, creeping around in a cardboard box. I ain’t gonna get caught. I make it back out there. I grab a plate and it’s like hamburgers, chicken, pasta, I’m eating french toast. For no reason. Seafood, steak, ribs, Pillsbury dough boy! It’s doing cartwheels in the background like “hehehehe” They have fish, they have everything, they have Gummiberry juice! You know, from the cartoon? The potion they drink? They actually had the REAL gummiberry juice there! I ate SO. MUCH. FOOD! OH MY GOSH! I showed them. My kids might be obesed, because of some of the stuff I did that night. And then I realised CRAP! I don’t wanna be that one kid running around by themselves eating all this food, I gotta to blend in. I look around and find this group of kids and chameleon my way into their clique. Next thing you know, me and my BFFs we’re going on all the rides together. It was… one of the BEST nights of my life. They never caught me, never found out. Disney, I’ve got a confession. I quit a few months later, so I don’t work for Disney anymore. I will say, I know it sounds bad, but working for Disney was amazing. Awesome experience. And I tell you guys all of that to get to this. If you guys know anybody that looks even remotely like me, This is what I look like. Anybody that looks like me, who lives in the LA or Orlando area works at Disney and has an ID that’s valid, that I can use to get back onto Disney property. Please send this video to them. As a matter of fact, if you know anybody that works at Disney, because they might… actually you know what? Put this on your Facebook wall, send this to EVERYBODY, tweet it. Somebody that you know knows somebody that knows somebody that works at Disney that knows somebody that looks like me. And they need to see this video. Help your boy swoozie out. Cause with a valid ID, I can get back on property next time a high school or college rents out the park. Here’s my Facebook. Twitter. MySpace. I even got a Tumblr. Here’s all this stuff OK guys? If you know somebody who looks like me, contact me IMMEDIATELY. It’s about them chicken quesadillas right now, and you have NOT lived until you’ve tried Disney’s seasoned french fries. True story. OK I’m done.

100 thoughts on “Confessions of a Disney Employee

  1. My friends and I all recently started working at Disney and we were all so nervous to start because of these videos 😂

  2. What swoozie video involves that picture of Batman swoozie with the red drawing comment if u know I need for my discord photo

  3. The video that introduced me to the Disney College Program.

    And the SNITCHES ARE THE WORST!!! Oooooooommmmmmmmgggggggggg bbbbbrrrruuuuuhhhhhh

  4. Guys the high schools all rent it out together for the seniors on grad night. My school used to go to Disneyland every year until some kids did something bad so now we gotta go to Universal Studios ;( tragic, I know. But yeah you get to stay there until like 2am and this last year they even got Marshmello to preform.

  5. Ig you don't have a Mexican mom that listens to music while she cleans up every morning ._.

  6. Okay I know lotta y'all are probably worried about how Someone rents out a park, but I gotta say that it's HILARIOUS that he stole the 8:30 p.m. show magnet and puts it casually on his refrigerator.😂

  7. I finally went to Disney world for the first time a few weeks ago, and seeing all of the places at MGM reminded me of this video. Thanks for the funny and amazing content <3

  8. Bro thos dude ain't the wolverine. He dont just be killing people in sight whenever with his adamantium sharp ass claws slicing and dicing anything. He actually thinks and has a brain. Hey you facts right

  9. at 4:58 I was ready to close the video cuz it was getting boring and then I heard: I started come late and then started stealing… XD LMAO

  10. I've watched this 30 times not exaggerating and this is the first time I've noticed that the Indiana Jones times were 8:29 bc the 8:30's were gone 😂

  11. Last Time I Was At Disney The Peter Pan Person Was Pretty Much Ruining The Gift Shop Because He Was Trying To Play With The Kids :/

  12. Never give any of my videos to any security guards because I would probably end up in a complete lockdown facility that will never let me leave.

  13. *Swoozie standing in the darkness 1 hour in…*
    Guest wanders over: Hey man, what are you doing here?
    Swoozie: I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess

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