Just gonna wait ’till my cat’s done taking a shit I guess! ‘Cause he’s fuckin makin noise and dicking around. [ cat walks up stairs ] Last week, YouTube deployed their new music listening app. YouTube Music Which surely took a room full of execs and creative marketing geniuses in order to come up with such an illustrious and astonishing name like that. [yep] [Dies] Since it’s launch, guys, there have been a total of five different advertisements that run before the videos you watch here on YouTube. This has led many viewers to to scratch their buttholes and ask themselves “What the fuck do theses videos mean, and how is this supposed to convince me to download the app?” Being the expert that I am on dissecting videos, breaking them down, and then ripping people a new ass I figured I’d, again, brace everybody with my abilities and clear up this whole situation. If you have no clue what the fuck I’m talking about basically like I said YouTube came out with a music app and they have been promoting the hell out of it here on YouTube You literally would have to be amish or live under a rock like Patrick Star in order to not know what I’m talking about. [ scilence ] Or you could have adblock installed on your computer That would actually then make sense. I’ve already seen these advertisements like, a thousand times each and, I am ready to lather myself up into some poop, throw myself in an oven, and then, um ,say goodbye to the world. You can also check the videos out here on this channel YouTube Music YOUTUBE MUSIC Has these videos that are titled insert name here theme We’ll take a look at three of them here today being the top three that are confusing literally everybody in existance So, here we go. The first one I’ll explain to you is Jaysn’s Theme I can’t play the entire video for you obviously, otherwise, my shit might be flagged. [Eung Freestly playing] A chubby, little Asian kid on a subway. This… Raises so many red flags, it’s not even funny. Not to mention the Asian lady who, Appears to be about a hundred and twenty-seven years old can probably hear his loud ass music coming from his headphones She is clearly onto him knows he’s up to no good Watch out for those little Asian kid, dude they’re… they’re a fucking riot. [Eung Freestyle playing] [Music stops] He runs into, a few thugs it looks like Oh shit. Lets see what happens here. [Flowsik] Ya! [Rapping in Korean] Ok, this doesn’t make a lot of sense, This kid, he’s wearing some nice clothes nice headphones He should be getting robbed for his things right now He walks through all of them, and… gives one of them a pound What’s this video mean? Easy. If you have a strong feeling that you may be robbed and then butt raped inside of a train station by five Asian thugs, you just need to walk up the damn stairs and hope for the best. Maybe… try giving one of them a pound. See how that works out for you. *Clank* Ahhh! Bleeahh! [Retches] Next is Krystan’s theme probably my favorite one out of all of them This one has definatley caused a lot of buttholes to be scratched however this was the easiest one for me to decrypt out of… all of them. [James Blake “I need a forest fire”] -[singing]
To burn it like cedar ♪ Starts crying on a fucking plane. Who the fuck cries on a plane? That is the question you need to be asking yourself. There are seriously not many reasons why a person would be crying on a plane Uhh.. I can name a few though. She could have been asleep earlier and missed out on the attendant serving snacks and beverages I know that’s made me cry several times on flights it seems to happen to me everytime This might be the only song she has on her phone and it’s the 624th time she has had to listen to it Understandable This video could be taking place in the future uhh… and Donald Trump is presedent. and so she’s actually on a Trump Plane which is deporting all the illegals [Laughs] Back to where they came from [Laughs] Listen, if I was an illegal alien I’d be crying too. America’s a great place to be. but… this is what I came to find and it was all too easy to spot. Her boyfriend moves seats to get away from her so… he can actually have some fucking peace and quiet for once And, now she’s left with an entire isle of seats to hereslf. Which… god damn if that was me, I would be thrilled You know, no, 84 year old guy talking to me about his fucking trip to Alaska a few months ago That seems to happen to me every time too. It’s getting really, really strange As we all know though… its more than likely her time of the month. You know When blood comes out of a girl weiner Last is Alex’s Theme which, to be completely honest this is the most bewildering video of them all so Let’s see what I can do with it [Elliphant’s “Club Now Skunk”] Alright, people are staring at him that shit pisses me off too. -Hey Alex.
-Hey Dad. [Song resumes] [Rapping]
Club now skunk Time to turn it up [Rapping]
Club night skunk Drop and shake your butt Hey Freedia
-Yeah What’s going on [Song continues] Okay I’m having a difficult time figuring this one out so, the only thing I’m left to do is create my own YouTube Music ad and then see how I feel afterwards [Heart beating] [Buzz] [Jacob Sartorious’ “Sweatshirt] [Guitar strumming] ♪Chillin with a hair tie♪ [Singing]
No makeup, with some sweatpants on You know I can always be that guy You can think about me all night long [Guitar strumming] [Woman speaking inaudibly] [Music continues in background] [Child speaking] [Man]
Seven? That’s awesome. [Kissing] [Music continues] *Roar* [Woman speaking inaudibly] Somebody fucking help me ♪♪ Captions by Cole the Mole