Mark: We’re so cute! Jack: Aw look at us- Bob: Yaaaaaaaay!
Wade: Time for some Chicken Horse! Jack: Look at us dance! All Four: Yaay! Jack: I have no idea how to play this.
Mark: Are all of our characters gonna die? Bob: I don’t know what this game is. Mark: Oh geez. Jack: Oh god
Wade: Um. Ummmm Jack: I look like I’m holding a penis!
Wade: Welp, it’s bored- *Bob laughs*
Wade: Um Wade: Oh press Y! Mark: Yeah… Wade: You can pick- Oh okay!
Bob: Oh.. Mark: Are we helping each other
or are we like trying to s- Jack: No, you’re trying to- you’re trying to help yourself. Wade: No, you wanna be the only one to win. However, do you guys see the box with the question mark?
Mark: Oh. Mark: Yeah? Wade: We want to- We do want to work together to get that ’cause that unlocks new stuff that we can use next time. Jack: What box with a question mark?
Mark: What is that, Bob? Is that a door? Bob: No… Mark: What is that? Bob: Nothing! Mark: You guys are so dumb. Jack: Yeah! Jack: Ahhhh! Jack: Goddamn it. Wade: Aha! Got it! Jack: Mark’s dead. Bob: Oh shit! Jack: No- WHAT NOOOO Bob: Oh my god– Mark: This is so stupid Jack: I’ll die with you guys *laughter from all four* Wade: You didn’t have to die there you can actually jump up the wall Mark: HE WANTED TO BE WITH US! Jack: Yeah!
Mark: Let him live! I mean die. Let him die. Jack: Goddamit! Is this another game where Wade is better than all of us? *Mark laughs* Wade: I only won one round Bob: Oh god Wade: AAAHHH Bob: OH GOD Jack: Ahh that’s sticky NOOOO! Fuck Mark: Eh eh-Yeah! I went around!
Jack: Dammit Mark: I found a cheat! Jack: Oh nooooo! Nooooo
(Bob: I got this- hyup!) Nooooooooo Bob: Yes!! NO! Bob: YES!
Jack: FUCK Mark: forEVER Wade: yaay Jack: Nooooo Bob: Alright, we’re gonna have to fix that bullshit Bob: Oh! No! Fuck! How– Mark: So the–OHH, I get Mark: I get what the bomb do Wade: Yeah Jack: AHH FUCK! Damnit! Bob: Oh god. Oh god! Mark: *laughs* Oh–so if I touch those fanblades Jack: Yep! *laughter* Bob: Oh shit! Wade: Weeeee! Jack: It’s ’cause fucking Wade knew what he was doing! Bob: That was unclear That was super unclear Jack: Yeah! Goddammit I have no points! Wade: Guys, I’ve got the advantage for one round Mark: Oh come on! Wade:–just give me this. Jack: Goddammit dudes!
Bob: Oh my god! Jack: I finally won one, and now you’re dicking me over Mark: Ain’t this, the, this is a thing. Bob: So, uh… *laughs*
Mark: Sooo…. Jack: Oh that–that fucking falls?! Mark: Just waiting –
Bob: Yeah I was just gonna wait –
Mark: Waiting for everyone else to fail!
Wade: AAAH! Jack: Yeah and then we’re all fucked. *Honk like laughter from Bob* OK, I guess I’m going down here. Wade: Well, there’s no-
Mark: dammit Jack: There’s no way! Wade: Screw it! Jack: There’s no way! Mark: There’s a way! Jack: Now you’ve made it too hard. Jack: Imma- Imma just dance! Jack: Imma just stand here and dance
Wade: I- I died Jack: Wassup! *laughs* Mark: Woooo Wade: I sodoku-ed myself Jack: Fuck it Bob: I’m just going to guess Jack: Fuck it. Jack: I don’t care! Mark: *laughs* Bob: Anyways, wait wait, Mark- Mark: No! I can live!
Bob: Mark, come here Bob: Mark come here. Mark come here
Mark: I want to live! Bob: Mark come here. I want to tell you something Jack: Hold B to give up Jack: Ca- *sighs* Jack: HOLD B TO GIVE UP DAMMIT! Wade and Bob: *laugh* Jack: I don’t like this
Wade: Please! Bob: *laughs* You’re not using it on him Jack: Ahhh Bob: Alllright Jack: Goddammit I have no points! Jack: No! No! No! Jack: NO! Jack: No! Jack: No.
Mark: It’s gonna be too easy now! Jack: I need to- FUCK! NO Bob! Jack: NOOOOOOOO! Wade: Booob Mark: adda boy Bob adda boy Bob: You guys are just idiots i’ve got the solution! Just wait! Jack: Wha- What is the solution? Wade: AAAAAAHHHH! Jack: HAHA! You’re fucked now Bob: I GOT THE SOLUTION BITCHES!! Jack: NOOOOOOOOOOO! Mark: Yeah! Mark: DAAAAAAMN Jack: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mark: Daaaaamn! Bob: get wrecked get wrecked Jack: Fuck it, fuck it! Jack: I’mma just dance! Jack: L-Look I win too! I win too! Jack: It’s all on me! The camera is on me! Wade: oh god Jack: Fuck it Mark: There’s a very narrow window of success here Wade: Oh why! Why do you do that! *all laughing, except for Wade* Jack: NOoOOOooo.. Aw fuck *others laughing* Jack: Wait..
Wade: BOB! Jack: OH YES! YES! YES! FUCK YOU BITCHES! Mark:I got killed by-OH GOD my dead body! Jack : Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! Bob: oh my god Jack: How’d you die? Jack: Are you dead??? Jack: YEAH! Bob: I didn’t realize you were dead Bob: I was like, ‘What’re you doing?’ Wade: Oh I didn’t know you were dead too Mark Mark: Nope very dead. Very dead. very dead Jack: YES, now I’m not last Bob: ohhhh my god Wade: yaaaay Mark: I made my own demise Jack: The chicken is the Ultimate Chicken Jack: Mark you came last Bob: ohhh Mark: I KNOW I CAME LAST Mark: ITS OKAY Mark: It’s cause I wanted it Mark: I wanted it. [mark laughing] Jack: NO Jack: NO [Mark and Jack laugh] Wade: Oh GOD Jack: We’re not even gonna MAKE that Mark: AHHHHH I GOT THIS [Mark screams] [Bob and Mark laugh] Wade: b-KAWWWWWWWK Jack: I can’t- Jack: I can’t move! Mark: You can SPRINT???? Jack: My character can’t move! Mark: How do you sprint?? Wade: right trigger Jack: Right trigger: it’s not working Bob: How y-how y’doing, Jack? Mark: didn’t tell us how to play Bob: Jack how y’doing? Jack: My character won’t move [Wade laughs]
Bob: Are you having a good time? Jack: I can pause the game but my character won’t move Wade: oh no Wade: Jack, try using WASD Jack: Nooope! Jack: Um Wade: Oh well okay
Bob: can you kill yourself? Jack: Aw man it’s so much harder now [Bob laughs] Jack: Fuckin’ WASD bullshit Jack: AW MAN I CAN’T- Mark: I GOT IT Jack: I can’t do the thing now
Mark: get outta my way Mark: AH Oh! Oh I missed it! AH Jack: What was that??
Bob: Oh my god!! Jack: WHAT?? Jack: Ohhhh Wade: AH! NO! Wade: AH! Wade: BKAWK Bob: Wade is still cheating
Mark: wooow Jack: Yeah, oh Wade: bkak Jack: You have the advantage for one round, ay? Jack: This game does not work right Jack: cause i don’t like it Mark: It works fine, don’t criticize it
Wade: wait, why- Wade: ….is there a door there? Jack: I DON’T FUCKIN KNOW [Mark and Bob laugh] Wade: Bob NO! Jack: Oh god Mark: Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin about Mark: ahh-uhfuh Mark: ahh ohh Mark: AHH! UH! UH! Jack: NO! Jack: FUCK Jack: Now there’s FIREBALLS?? Wade: GUH! BKAWK Jack: Where the fuck the fireballs?!?!? [Bob laughs] Mark: Oh god dammit Wade: AHHHHHH Jack: NO no, Jack: YES Wade: NO Bob: puttin’ mine right there Jack: No, Mark, no Wade: Mark, hang on a minute
Mark: Make it fair Mark: Make it fair. I’ll make it- it fair Jack: Nooo
Mark:it ‘s fair. it’s fair Mark: It’s fair Mark: It’s fair! Jack: Oh, it is fair! Jack: NOOO Wade: OHH! NOO!! Wade: BKAW Jack: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mark: I can’t sprint!! Mark: I can’t sprint! Bob: hup!
Mark: I can’t sprint! Mark: How do you sprint? Bob: Yes! Wade: Oh my goodness Bob! Jack: What did my thing do? Jack: Oh god almighty
Bob: Fuck you Assholes Mark: Laughter How is anybody going to do this? Wade: I don’t know Bob: Guys. I’ll make it possible. Don’t worry. Wade: Okay Bob. Bob: It’s going to be toootally possible. Jack: Whaat? Bob: You just hafta… you just hafta… what?? Bob: That’s really not what I thought was going to happen at all Jack: Oh, oh god, oh god, it crushes you. Bob: OH NO, WADE Wade: BKAWK, BKAAAAAWK, BKOOO
Mark: HI! Jack: Noo, no, FUCK.
Mark: (Distant) Yaaaah! Bob: oooh.
Wade: laughter Wade: How did Mark get through this? Mark: I’m good at games guys you just don’t give me a chance! Jack: I’m losing again! Mark: YEAAH! Jack: Mark’s winning?? Jack: That can’t happen. Wade: Bob. BOB.
Mark: Yeah there we go. Wade: BOB Bob: Actually, okay, I won’t do that. I won’t do that Bob: I’ll do this.
Wade: BOB!!! *All laughing* Bob: You guys have fun dying
Jack: I can’t- I can barely see the one I am half the time Jack: FUUUUUCK- ass. Bob: OH NO! No no! Wade: okay. Jack: Get, Yes, yes, yes, yes! Everybody die!
Mark- Oh God Jack: Everybody dead Wade: Ah, Ahh! BKAW! Jack: BuCAWK Jack- Get the chicken! Get the chicken! Bob: No Wade. No way Wade.
Wade: okay. Jack: No Wade. Wade: Scream! Jack: NO!
Bob: Oh, fucking shit, man!
Mark: Goddamn it. Jack: It’s actually possible? Bob: Oh Jack, noo! Mark: Yes Jack, yes Jack yes!!! Mark: Yes yes yes girl- Jack: Fuuck! Jack: I die at the start every time. I get sucked into a black hole. Bob: Ah! Noo. Mark: It’s Impossible! Shits! Wade: Oh god… [wade screams] Jack: Die everybody! Die! Wade: I’m forever thrown onto the la- next platform
Bob: No! Fucking shit! Jack: Ok… This is BULLSHIT right now. Bob: This is not possible man! [Mark groans] Wade: OH I JUMPED! [groans as well] [Wade rages] Wade: OHH NOO!! Mark: [Laughs] Wade. [Laughs] Wade: Oh noo! Jack: ‘Kay-
Bob: Jack you can do it! Jack: I CAN’T!
Bob: I have faith in you. Jack: I CAN’T!!!! Jack: HAH!!!
Bob: Jack, you’ve got this Jack: FUCK!!! NO! NO! Jack: Yea-hehehehehe!!! WOO!!! All: laughing
Wade: Jack is good at games guys! Jack: YEESSSS!!!!
Mark: You’ve gotta go through the door Mark:You gotta go through the door! You gotta go through the door! Jack: NICE!!! Bob :How the fuck? Jack: I have know idea [laughs] Bob: Who put honey! Jack: Not the honey, mark! Bob: Mar- NO! *Mark screams* Wade: [laughing] Jack you’re just stu- (All screaming) Jack: AH FU- WHAT? Mark: AH I DON’T GO THERE [Mark screeches like a little girl] Jack: What the he- [laughs] [All laughing] Mark: Who put BARBED WIRE there?? Mark: Who did thaaat??? Wade: I did that!!! [All laughing, especially Bob] Jack: NICE, nice. [Bob continues guffawing in background] Jack: Last turn! Jack: UUUhhhhhhmmm Bob: God, I don’t have any good ideas. [Jack screams internally] Wade: I don’t know how anyone can win this now. Mark: Naw it’s possible! Jack: It’s definitely possible. It’s just… annoying. Jack: Heh, put the start right at the finish! [Jack laughs] Wade: Then nobody gets points!! [Mark laughing] Bob: We’ll see, won’t we? Jack: It’s, it’s too easy then. They won’t allow it. Bob: Here, what if we, what if we get to go right… what if we get to go onto up here? [Jack screaming internally again] Jack: I hate you guys so much [Mark and Wade screaming] [All laughing and screeching except Jack] Mark: Why didn’t it work?! Bob: Oh nooOOO fuck! Jack: oh no no no. Dammit I had it! Wade: Mark and I just ran off the edge and died! Mark: I- I didn’t get to go! [All laughing]
Mark: Dammit! Oh Jack that’s so stupid! Mark: You get ahead of me because you got the bonus, like- Jack: yeeEEEAHHH Baby!
Mark: comeback points. What a load of crap! Jack: Hey!
Mark: What a load of ass!
Jack: I’M PLAYING WITH A KEYBOARD! Jack: This is unfair on me already Jack: oh god, no. That’s a bad idea.
Bob: Oh, sweet jesus. Mark: AH! Awwwww Jack: oh no. oh no. Jack: oh god Bob: Oh! The glass kills you?
Wade: oh god [Mark laughs]
Jack: What? Jack: AW! Bob! Bob: [laughing] Sorry. Jack: Such a dick
Mark: You’re not sorry Wade: I knew that was gonna happen and I still let it ride out. Jack: Get rid of that shit
Bob: Alright Bob: I’ll-I’ll use a bomb to destroy it. [Jack grunt]
Mark: okay Jack: Let’s go troops
Bob: Come here elevator, let’s have a party Wade: Yay, Kakaw!
Mark: No, Watch this! I got this! Mark: [screams] Agh! AGH! FUCK! Jack: “I got this.” Dead. Mark: goddammit. Goddammit. I thought I had it. [Wade screams and everyone else laughs] Wade: Bob?
Bob: You ready? You ready Wade? Jack: Yay! Bob: up. Bob: No duck you fuckin’ horse Wade: I’m ready Bob Bob: I didn’t jump.
Wade: I’m ready Bob Bob: It didn’t jump.
Mark: What did you do?
Bob: I hit jump Wade: Jack’s the only one on the board Jack: WOO! First time! Mark: AW, shit!
Wade: Mouse and keyboard ‘s OP Jack: Woo do do do—Aw, Wade. Really? Jack: You’re gonna be that guy
Wade: yeah Jack: Fuck you, Mark.
Bob: Now I’m mad. Bob: Now, I’m in a bad mood Wade: Bob please Jack: Mad ‘cause bad. Bob mad ‘cause bad. Bob: Maybe. Jack: pick something. Wade: Aw, Bob! Aw, Bob! Think about what you—Bob!
Bob: So, um… Wade: Bob!
Bob: So, um. How much room do we need to get out? Jack: What a dick
Wade: right there would be the worst possible location you could put it. Bob: Like, how about this? Jack: Oh
Wade:Oh, I could squeeze through there. Jack: That-that’s–aw, no. The other one I think is better.
Bob: yeah, I’m gonna do something better than that. Mark: Alright
Bob: good luck, [Jack groans] muthafuckers Mark: Alright-AGH DUCK! Jack: Ah! No! I forgot.
Bob: Oh no! Wade: Uh… UH! Jack: Aw, it keeps hitting my dead body. Really? Wade: Ah!
Jack: Poonk! [Mark laughs] Jack: It keeps hittin’ me and Bob. Wade: Wo!
Mark: Ah ha! Jack: Dead Jack: No! My dead body saved you. Wade: okay. okay. Jack: Die. Die. Die you- [scream from Mark] Jack: YES! Jack: YES! Bob: Yes! Jack: So fuckin’ happy right now.
Wade: I was right there! Jack: So happy! Wade: I was right there! Jack: Oh hock- hockey puck. Oh! Bob: Thanks for calling the elevator. Bob: We’ll be down here. Jack: fuckin’ assholes [Wade squawks]
Bob: oh god Mark: AH! Goddammit. I made my-
Bob: oh god! Jack: NO!
Mark: Goddammit. We made this too high to go. Jack: Goddammit.
Mark: Hi Bob. Sniff my ass. Jack: Sniff my butthole
Bob: Oh! Wade: OH!
Mark: Ah, got it!
Jack: Oh shit Mark: HA ha ha ha ha ha! Mark: Ha ha ha ha- oh god… Jack: Get ’em! Jack: Ge—YES! Mark: lagged! I lagged! Lagged! Lag!
Wade: Uh, Mark. I think you can jump on the roof… Mark: oooooohhhhh… Jack: “Oooohhhh… right.”
Bob: “Oh, I get it.” [Mark groans] Bob: Everyone’s just like: “oh, fuck the roof.” Mark: there we go.
Jack and Wade: oh god Mark: What the fuck happened?
Bob: Why did you not die? Jack: Becau- Somebody else do it.
Bob: Are we all just gonna casually wait- Bob: for the-
Jack: yeah Wade: oh oh oh oh!
Jack: oh god. Wade: No! No! No! OH!
Jack: Get ‘em! Get ’em! Get ’em! Jack: Get ‘em! [Wade shrieks] Wade: Ah, no. Jack: Oh shit. Oh shit… I got this Bob! I got this!
Mark: that’s bull. Jack: Bob, it’s literally impossible.
Bob: Alright, we can do this Jack. Bob: We can do this. Jack: Fffuck.
Bob: Ah! I saved your life! Bob: ohhhhhhh… Bob: I see
Jack: Everyone went for bombs this round. Bob: I see
Mark: yes Mark: Bob, no. Jack: You should put down another… Bob: We can’t have it be too easy, can we? Wade: Bob!
Mark: [laughing] Bob! Jack: Fuck sake.
Mark: you big- Wade: Oh, wait. Someone destroyed… oh okay Bob: Yeah, there’s no hockey pucks or arrows down Bob: here. It’s fuckin’ amazing Jack: WHAT? What did I get killed by? Mark: I dunno. Don’t ask,
Bob: What did you get killed by? Mark: I dunno, I’m not gonna ask. Jack: Wait, there’s hockey- the hockey pucks falling from above fell down and killed me? Mark: WHAT? What hit me? Jack: There’s hockey pucks on the left. Wade: No! Why is there- look at that hockey puck- Wade: GOD, BOB! Mark: Dammit. Jack: and that one hit me on the ground
Mark: Bob. Bob: They’re on the same level. You just have to duck under ’em. Jack: Fuck you, Bob.
Mark: No, they’re not. Mark: They’re not in the same level-oh yeah I can see it.
Bob: Yeah they are. Mark: You can jump around a black hole. Jack: There’s fuckin’ glass there? Jack: Aw
Mark: Ah, wow oh! AH! FUCK! NO! Jack: Go Bob, Go Bob! Mark: Wait, I made it?! Mark: Oh! I’m dancing! Bob: Oh Mark: Did I make it?
Wade: No. Jack: How did you make it? You died!
Mark: But am I dancing? Bob: I think your just wibble wabbling—NO!
Mark: YEAH! Jack: You got a postmortem win? Bob: Oh my god, Jack
Wade: Oh come on! Jack: Fuck you guys. Mark: oh jesus. Bob: come on now. Mark: there’s no way. Bob: That’s a little bit much, I think Jack: You guys have bombs Jack: oh shit! SHIT! Wade: Ah no! I still-
Mark: AH No! NO! No! No! Bob: The fuck’n ice is fuck’n me up. Jack: Yeah
Wade: “Last chance” as we all screw up Jack: oh! Oh!
Wade: “Now everyone can win” Mark: I-I can’t help what you guys do.
Jack: Oh. Oh. Oh. Jack: Oh, it’s so close
Bob: Oh? Oh goddammit. Jack: It’s so close! No ho ho! Bob: oh, I’m dead? When did I die? Mark: Oohhhhhh
Wade: Bob. Bob. Bob! Mark: Yes. Yes. Yes!
Jack: Yes. Yes, I am all down for that Jack: YES Wade: Bob Bob Bob. Bob Listen. Mark’s gonna win, Bob. You gotta stop him! Jack: You’re gonna block the arrows. Bob: Oh, I am gonna block the arrows. That’s a good point. Jack: and then Mark wins. Mark: Put barbed wire on the ground Bob: I’ve got an idea. I’ve got an idea. Jack: [laughs] Blackhole! Yeah, I fuckin’ knew it. Bob: here? Or here?
Wade: [desperately] BOB! Bob: or like fuckin’-
Wade: Not-not there Jack: no, not there Wade: No no no no
Bob: Now I have to Wade: oh god. Okay, do it
Mark: Alright, fine Bob Bob: Yeah, I like that
Jack: oh god Wade: well, Mark. How do you enjoy your victory? Mark: well I know that things’re times’re- Mark: Aw, fuck the thorns! Mark: fuck the-!
Wade: I jumped right into glass Jack: yep, the glass kills you as well
Mark: Jack you better die Mark: Jack, you better fail and die. Mark: Good luck. Mark: What are you gonna do? Jack: hup! Jack: I dunno
Bob: You know what? I’ve thought better of this. Wade: I think the elevator is the right way to go. Jack: yeah
Bob: oh no, honey! Honey no! Bob: Honey, why honey? Mark: You’re all screwed Mark: You’re gonna die Mark: Have fun in death- Mark: WHAT!!!
Jack: YES! Mark: NO! NO!
Jack: Yeah Baby! Jack: WOOOH!
Mark: But I was gonna win! Mark: You asshole!
Jack: yeah, Bob! Yeah! Bob: Yeahhhhhh! Bob: Did I pass Mark? Mark: Aw, fuck off! Bob: Did I- Aw…
Jack: Aw, YES! [preview of Prop Hunt with Jack, Mark, Bob, and Wade] Jack: I’m out. I’m out. I’m gone, bye. [laugh]